Thursday, May 22, 2008

be what she says

We've been talking a good deal lately about being an "attractive
character". Not too long ago I also discussed the importance of
presenting an "interesting lifestyle" to women, verses an "ordinary
lifestyle". In that discussion, I pointed out these key aspects you
want to demonstrate to a woman:

Be intriguing-- not boring.
Be interesting-- not typical.
Be lighthearted-- not stressed.
Be relaxed-- not uptight.
Dress with a unique, personal style-- not like every other man.
Talk cheerfully & optimistically-- not like you should be on
suicide watch.
Be funny-- not depressing.

Enjoy life. When you enjoy life, you will be more relaxed,
confident, secure, and happy... and those are some of the TOP things
a woman looks for in a man & will attract women to YOU!

This morning I am going to add something to this list.... Something
very important. And that is:

Be open to what a woman says- not closed-off.

I'm going to demonstrate this by telling a quick story... This is one
of those "pathetically funny" stories...

You know the old joke that women say is that "men never listen".
And, unfortunately, sometimes it holds true. Not only does it
occasionally hold true... but sometimes it also comes as the demise
to the man who's attracted to the woman he's speaking with-- but
won't truly listen to.

The reason he can't listen? Because he doesn't know what to listen
for. It goes right over his head.

Here's the story I want to tell...

A few years ago I was at a fundraiser. There was a nice, formal,
sit down dinner, followed by cocktails, music, and dancing. Me and
several friends (a mix of men & women) had a table at the event.

One of my male friends introduced me to a man, that he used to do
some commercial real estate projects with. The man was tall,
muscular, good looking, and as I spoke to him... I realized he was
intelligent, interesting, had traveled the world, had a great mind
for business, and we ended up talking one-on-one for about 30
minutes... we traded stories, laughed, joked around, etc...

I was extremely attracted to him! During our conversation I made
every attempt possible to show my interest & attraction towards
him... even things that I, knowing what I know, never do!! I made
some sexually based jokes, talked about what I do with this "First
in Her Mind" web-site and business, and made every attempt possible
to show that I was open to conversation, interested, and attracted
to him.

Of course.... I wouldn't have gone home and slept with him that
night, no way.... But I was interested in going out with him sometime
and getting to know him better.

Eventually another man came over and needed to discuss something
with the man I had been speaking with, so I drifted away and went
back to the table. I got involved in some other conversations,
enjoyed the music, did some dancing, and then left as the event
winded down.

I figured since the man I had spoken with never came back to find
me, that either he wasn't interested in me or he must have had a
girlfriend or other interest in his life (he didn't have a wedding
band). I had done everything possible to show my openness to talk
and my interest in him.

I didn't think much of it, and soon forgot about the conversation--
and him.

About 4 months after, my male friend who introduced us at the
event gave me a call. He had just finished having a lunch meeting
with this man. He said, "Shelley, he kept asking me about you... He
thinks you're beautiful, but didn't think he would have a shot with
you! He said he never has met a funnier and more personable and
interesting woman... and he hasn't been able to get you out of his
head for 4 months, since he met you!"

I was shaking my head as he told me this.... Why? Because even though
this man had everything going in his favor, he still didn't have
the confidence to think I might be attracted to him-- and he failed
to listen to all of the direct signs I was handing him in our
conversation. I think I could have worn a big, neon sign above my
head that said: "Hey bozo- I'm attracted to you!" and he still
wouldn't have gotten it!

This is the sad part... By the time he had lunch with my male friend
who had introduced us (4 months later), and my friend figured out
how much he liked me, I had already met another man and had been
dating him for about 2 months.

See, this man had 2 big obstacles standing in his way....

1. A lack of confidence-- he literally told my friend that he
didn't think he would have had a shot at me! How pathetic is that???

2. He didn't listen-- I was basically telling him that I was
interested in him, but because he didn't know what to listen for--
he couldn't truly "hear" what I was saying.

So, be open to what a woman says-- not closed off. She may be
standing right in front of you, telling you exactly what you hope
to hear-- but if you aren't open to it and don't know what to
listen for... then you won't hear her!

If you missed yesterday's email discussion, go here:


  1. we are so captivated by the lady that we literally
    we hear nothing...and see everything