Derek, I met this hottie at a bar and we chatted
for a few minutes. Things were going well and we
were really clicking fast so I asked her for her
She gave it to me...
Two days later I called her back, but no answer.
The next day I called her again and she picked
up... but her end of the conversation was stiff
and it seemed like she was blowing me off.
Derek, what happened? At the bar she seemed
interested. Where did I do wrong?
A lot of guys think that once they have a girl's
Just because you have a woman's number, it
doesn't necessarily mean much.
It's quite possible that the girl took a liking
to you, and you came across as cool dude. But a
RANDOM dude nonetheless.
Sometimes women are flattered when they are asked
for their number. So she gives it to you.
Sometimes women feel too guilty and bad to say
"no" because you seem like a cool guy and they
don't want you to think they're a bitch.
Even if, in the moment, she gives you her number
and she would like you to call her, it doesn't
mean that two days later when you DO call, that
she'll be in same headspace. The fire of the
moment is gone and now she starts to rationalize
reasons not to take your call.
That's why most of the phone numbers that men get
may be good for feeding their egos, but in
reality are worthless pieces of paper.
You could go up to dozens of women, give them a
compliment or ask for their opinion on something,
and then get their number - but 90% of the
numbers you would get this way would lead to dead
ends and message machines.
So what's the key to getting QUALITY phone
numbers and not just quantity?
Most throwaway phone numbers are a result of the
man getting the number too fast.
First of all, if you're at a bar and meet a girl,
don't talk to her for only five minutes and then
jump for the phone number and leave thinking
you're going to score. After all, what's the
point of getting a phone number in the first
place... to meet up later and continue the
But you had her right there at the bar, right
THEN. You could have used that opportunity to
seduce her right THEN. You were on a "date" with
her right THEN. So getting a number so that you
can meet up with her later, and walking away from
the interaction in the moment is totally
counterproductive and nonsensical.
Also, if you get her phone number without going
through the proper preliminary steps, then yes,
the girl might be digging you, but in reality you
didn't have enough social value to her for her to
want to start an ongoing, dating relationship
A girl who with a social value of 8 might give
her number to you if she perceives you to have a
social value of 6... but that doesn't mean she'll
follow up with you.
Phone numbers are only solid when you both have
the same social value.
If you both have the same social value, she'll be
WAITING and HOPING for you to call.
So BEFORE you get a woman's phone number, you
want to make sure that you have at least equal,
if not more social value than her.
That means having social proof if possible, using
the nonverbal sexual cues, entertaining and
leading her peer group, lowering her social value
by temporarily ignoring her or teasing her,
dressing well, ignoring social pressure, and so
on... all the methods that build social value in
a woman's eyes.
Then, once she's given you a few green lights,
start screening her. If she passes your
screening, accept her. Then isolate her if she's
not alone with you already.
NOW you can get her number.
Basically, if you want a SOLID phone number that
will have the girl waiting and hoping that you'll
call, don't even both getting it until the girl
has shown you a number of green lights and you've
screened her and she's tried to pass your
WHAT WORKS BETTER THAN PHONE NUMBERS
Instead of getting a woman's phone number,
propose an "instant date" right on the spot.
After all, why would you meet up with her up
later for a date when you could go on a date with
her RIGHT NOW?
If you're on a campus, invite her to go to the
bookstore with you and have coffee.
If you're at a bar, invite her to go to Denny's
restaurant for nacho chips with you.
If you're at the mall, tell her you need some
help picking out a shirt.
Or you can even instant date her to her apartment
if it's nearby - because you just have to show
her your aquarium and the pirate crab with only
one claw (or use whatever other excuse you can
come up with).
When you score an instant date you're no longer
just "some guy she met at a bar" but rather you
become "a guy she's been on a date with". To a
woman's mind, it's a much stronger position for
you to be in.
If she declines the instant date, instead of
getting a number, schedule your first date right
Say to her, "Well Thursday I'm busy because I
promised my friend Jennifer I'd help her move...
but Friday I'm going to be hitting the beach with
some friends. You can come too, it'll be a
Or tell her, "You like comedy don't you. I'm
thinking of going to this comedy show Friday
night... I've been wanting to see it for weeks
now and I hear the guy is hilarious. You'll bust
your ass laughing."
Have a cool date idea prepared and ready to go
BEFORE you go out so that you have something to
fall back on in case nothing comes to your mind
in the heat of the moment.
Also, try to couch it like you're inviting her to
something you were going to do ANYWAY, even if
she wasn't going to go with you. Couch it like
you're doing it is not dependent on her showing
up. You ALREADY have a cool and exciting life and
you're just inviting her along for the ride.
Once you've scheduled the first date right there,
THEN swap numbers.
Then it's natural to get her number so you can
keep in touch with her if your plans to change.
You're no longer getting her number to "date
her". You're already dating!
Also feel free to call her up later and CHANGE
the date plans on her. If you feel like it, call
her up and change the day or what you'll be
doing. After all, you're not tied to what you
already specified by some mysterious law of the
universe. Girls do this all the time to guys. And
it just makes it look even more like what you're
doing isn't dependent on her.
IF she resists going on an instant date with you,
AND she won't commit to setting up a date right
there and then, then fall back on swapping
numbers. However, this probably means that you
didn't build enough social value to her in the
first place and most likely the number will not
be worth the paper it's written on.
In fact, if you played the seduction right, SHE
should be volunteering HER number. You shouldn't
even have to ask for it.
Sometimes, just small tweaks in your methods can
seriously UP the success of your game almost