woke up with a start...mum was calling me...arent u going to work?...mum today's friday...
yeah its friday...the last day of the last week of the 2nd month of 2008.its going to be an unusual day cause its a leap year...and i was still looking for the number of 2 babes which i knew were sure bankers for the weekend...started the search again tough luck...maybe its a sign...
wacthed a yoruba movie-it was about the travails of being in a polygamous home...na so so witchcraft dem dey...it was eyeopening because altough i was from a polygamous home...and was craving to have my own polygamous family...well dependent on if the lucky lady cant get me ten kids....lol...am serious...it really touched a nerve...starting to reconsider my stance...
my sister still hadnt dropped the note...called she was at a bank in the neighbourhood...i went to meet her there...i hadnt taken my bath...just wanted to make that impression...i wanted to be noticed....met s on the way...told him abt the singles idea...he's going to think abt it...we'll tell d too, atleast he's experienced in this sort of thing...
got to computer village, i was armed with the note...the person i was going to collect the laptop from wasnt in...could i wait...i ended up waiting for 2 hours...he'll soon be back...thanks but i cant wait anymore...maybe in the evening...had to get to work...i hadnt told anyone i was going to school...was about leaving the famous computer village when i met an old friend of my half brother...i hadnt seen him for close to 8 years now...
i just met the jumat prayer...the bus i boarded was soo slow that if i had jogged i would have gotten to palmgrove before it...got to the office, everyone's in a solemn mood...my other boss..yeah that one...was leaving today...well tough luck...
me i have to go early today sha o...because of the laptop issue and the babe for the weekend...so i might not stay for the sendforth ceremony.
so as usual...how had i done for this month,thats as regard my top 3 goals...
i didnt pray really well this month,didnt go for any tahajjud and even assalatu...my flimsy excuses are....alhaja called it quits...i was feeling down,busy,didnt know,lackadisical....the real reason...i was lazy...hope to improve
i only went for a lesson out of 8 this month...my twin must not hear o...shes so happy that am finally in niit and studing wat i want to do and am letting her down...well i had no phone,no money...well really...i was lazy again and not really motivated...but i've been teaching myself a lil bit...until my laptop pafuka again...
on nitreme events, in the last couple of days i've gotten ideas about the singles trip arm of the business, but apart from that,nothing, even the software guy has been complaining that am not serious...and its all because of money...no funds then...there's a bit now but no time...
i'll think of something...
hopefully march will be cool and better...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
5 Ways to Get Into a Man's Head
How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.Armed with the following five techniques, a man will feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.
1. Let him know you care about what he is saying.
A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way. Let him know that you get what he is saying Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes.
"2. Be nonjudgmental.
No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."
Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.
3. Don't use the word "why."
When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"
4. Never say, "We need to talk."
Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.
The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football. (Heare are some other ideas about dealing with a football fan.)
5. Learn how to really listen.
Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you.
1. Let him know you care about what he is saying.
A man won't open up to you unless he knows you care. One of the best ways to convey this to him is through your body language. To show your interest, unfold your arms, lean into him and allow your eyes to meet his in a natural way. Let him know that you get what he is saying Let him know that you get what he is saying with a nod of the head or a raise of your brow.Also, try "mirroring," which means that you absorb his body movement and convey it back to him. So if he looks stressed telling a story, you look stressed as well. It's like saying, "I feel what you are feeling. I'm putting myself in your shoes.
"2. Be nonjudgmental.
No man is going to let you into his real thoughts if he senses he is going to be criticized or put down. Leave out comments like "How could you do something like that?" or "That's not something I would do."
Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly Give him the freedom to express himself openly and honestly without judgment and you'll be surprised at all that comes out. You don't have to condone or agree with everything he says. You're simply creating an environment where he has the freedom to say it.
3. Don't use the word "why."
When psychotherapists are in training, they are often taught to erase the word "why" from their vocabulary, because "why" questions frequently sound negative and critical.When you ask a man, "Why did you do it that way?" it can come across as "Are you stupid, why on earth would you choose to do it that way?" Now he's on the defensive before you even finish the sentence. Practice using substitutes such as "Tell me more about it" instead of "Why did you do it?"
4. Never say, "We need to talk."
Nothing makes a man want to talk less than hearing "We need to talk." It conveys the message that he's done something wrong, he's in trouble for it, and you are going to let him have it. He will shut down before the conversation starts.
The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. The best way to bring up an important topic is to ease into it. Choose a time when you are both doing a small task together such as light cleaning or cooking, which takes the harsh focus away from "the talk" and will make him more comfortable. Remember not to approach him while he is involved in something important to him like Monday night football. (Heare are some other ideas about dealing with a football fan.)
5. Learn how to really listen.
Chances are you always listen to him but you don't always hear him. How many times have you had something else on your mind as he is talking to you? Or maybe you are thinking about what you're going to say next instead of paying full attention.It's important to stay in the "hear" and now with him, rather than letting your own thoughts or the outside world intrude. A man can sense when you really want to hear what he has to say -- true listening is the best way to get him talking true to you.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Why Do Some Guys Commit Too Fast?
I'm a Twentysomething. Many of my guy friends are about the same age and single. For a few of them, their lack of a significant other is absolutely unbearable -- and not just on Valentine's Day. These guys are constantly falling in love with women they barely know. One date, two dates, and then they use the "L" word after dessert and a movie.What are they thinking?I usually get a distressed phone call or text message a few days later when they can't understand why the woman they've just met (but know for sure they love) is not returning their calls. They've only left 41 messages -- and that's after another 16 hang-ups. Maybe their true love lost her cell phone? Maybe their true love lost her cell phone? No. Maybe they should drive by her house to talk personally? Heck no.After a few more weeks and a dozen more whiny messages, these relationship-needy guys get the hint -- and so does the girl: stay away from guys who fall in love before the appetizer gets cold. For the next few weeks, my brokenhearted friends mope around like the world is over. They keep asking themselves why the relationship didn't work out. They thought she was perfect. They thought she would make a great wife. They thought she would make a great mother. Mother! They haven't even met her mother. They haven't spent a Thanksgiving dinner trapped at her parents' house to see what the family is really like. Yet they pine for this goddess of love whose middle name they do not know.What has led these intelligent Twentysomething men to this position of neediness, clinginess, and recurring heartbreak? A few factors are at work.
Great expectations, instant gratification
Many Twentysomethings have grown up always getting what they want. They got the clothes they want. They got the car they want. And they're used to getting what they want immediately and on their own terms. They expect to walk into a coffee shop and get their triple-cream-mocha-latte with sprinkles made just for them. They also get their favorite DVDs delivered directly to their home, their emails forwarded to their phone, and up-to-the-minute weather bulletins displayed on their computer screen. They even have the option to get fresh groceries delivered, but they won't because they can't cook unless Mom helps.In addition to being raised on instant everything, these consistently head-over-heels-in-love Twentysomethings have huge expectations. The real world hasn't always gone the way they wanted The real world hasn't always gone the way they wanted -- instead of making CEO in a year they make 4,000 copies in a day -- but they use their 12 credit cards to fill the self-esteem gap. The one area in particular where these frustrated Twentysomethings have not yielded their expectations is meeting that special someone, falling passionately in love, and spending a lifetime traveling the world while their kid's diapers are changed by a nanny (okay, so maybe that's my dream).
Now add to this mix of high expectations and instant gratification the reality that many Twentysomethings grew up spending little quality time with their parents. Instead, they learned how to have a healthy adult relationship watching a combination of He-Man and HBO. Luckily, their parents have a chance to make up for lost time, since these Twentysomethings still live with them. But mooching off Mom and Dad can only last so long, 35 at the max, which adds to the motivation to find that special someone who knows how to wash underwear without turning it pink. All of which leads back to them rushing into love on the first date and saying so on the third.
Advice for the lovelornGuys, if you're a Twentysomething and consistently heartbroken in three dates or less, here's some advice your friends are probably too nice to give you:
Raise your standards -- having a shadow doesn't mean she's perfect for you.Start each relationship as friends.Take it slow.Recognize that someone out there is right for you.The secret to keeping that special person is to not scare them off on the first date. Make her laugh, feel comfortable, and want to hang out with you again. Give her a call a few days later, not a few times the next day. Let the relationship takes its natural course.If you're not feeling the love, move on. And if you are feeling the love, don't say it right away! Instead, invite her on another date. And maybe, just maybe, she'll tell you the L word first.
Jason Ryan Dorsey, 28 years old, is the author of "My Reality Check Bounced! The Twentysomething's Guide to Cashing In on Your Real-World Dreams."
Great expectations, instant gratification
Many Twentysomethings have grown up always getting what they want. They got the clothes they want. They got the car they want. And they're used to getting what they want immediately and on their own terms. They expect to walk into a coffee shop and get their triple-cream-mocha-latte with sprinkles made just for them. They also get their favorite DVDs delivered directly to their home, their emails forwarded to their phone, and up-to-the-minute weather bulletins displayed on their computer screen. They even have the option to get fresh groceries delivered, but they won't because they can't cook unless Mom helps.In addition to being raised on instant everything, these consistently head-over-heels-in-love Twentysomethings have huge expectations. The real world hasn't always gone the way they wanted The real world hasn't always gone the way they wanted -- instead of making CEO in a year they make 4,000 copies in a day -- but they use their 12 credit cards to fill the self-esteem gap. The one area in particular where these frustrated Twentysomethings have not yielded their expectations is meeting that special someone, falling passionately in love, and spending a lifetime traveling the world while their kid's diapers are changed by a nanny (okay, so maybe that's my dream).
Now add to this mix of high expectations and instant gratification the reality that many Twentysomethings grew up spending little quality time with their parents. Instead, they learned how to have a healthy adult relationship watching a combination of He-Man and HBO. Luckily, their parents have a chance to make up for lost time, since these Twentysomethings still live with them. But mooching off Mom and Dad can only last so long, 35 at the max, which adds to the motivation to find that special someone who knows how to wash underwear without turning it pink. All of which leads back to them rushing into love on the first date and saying so on the third.
Advice for the lovelornGuys, if you're a Twentysomething and consistently heartbroken in three dates or less, here's some advice your friends are probably too nice to give you:
Raise your standards -- having a shadow doesn't mean she's perfect for you.Start each relationship as friends.Take it slow.Recognize that someone out there is right for you.The secret to keeping that special person is to not scare them off on the first date. Make her laugh, feel comfortable, and want to hang out with you again. Give her a call a few days later, not a few times the next day. Let the relationship takes its natural course.If you're not feeling the love, move on. And if you are feeling the love, don't say it right away! Instead, invite her on another date. And maybe, just maybe, she'll tell you the L word first.
Jason Ryan Dorsey, 28 years old, is the author of "My Reality Check Bounced! The Twentysomething's Guide to Cashing In on Your Real-World Dreams."
Friday, February 22, 2008
Boyfriend Checklist
1. He must be intelligent and articulate.
2. He must have an appreciation for good food [although he does not have to be a foodie].
3. He must have respect for geeks. They rule the world and they’ve triumphed over those silly high school jocks.
4. He must be emotionally mature and in touch with his feelings. Romance is not a dirty word.
5. He must be aware of the meaning behind a light blue hanky and a dark blue hanky.
6. He must have a sense of humor. Smile a little, laugh a lot.
7. He must never mix the soy sauce with the wasabi. California rolls are an abomination best left hidden.
8. He must not be a Republican. Or a libertarian.
9. He must understand the difference between role-playing games/RPGs and roleplaying situations. One of these things has nothing to do with the other.
10. He must know how to kiss, and not like a pez dispenser.
11. He must be compassionate.
12. He must know what he wants out of life. It’s fine to be aimless when you’re a twenty year old Young Thing, not so much when you’re in my age range.
13. He must not be a one note top. It’s all about the motion of the ocean.
14. He must not be a pushy bottom. Good sex is like Torville and Dean’s Bolero.
15. He must be gainfully employed.
16. He must not be a butter nazi. Fat equals flavor.
17. He must know the difference between Barthes and Sartre and be prepared to defend one over the other.
18. He must like old movies.
19. He must know who Jack Kirby and Frank Miller are.
20. He must have some appreciation for Barry Manilow.
21. He must not mix up Olivia Newton-John with Jane Fonda.
22. Opera is not a foreign language.
23. A penis is not a weenie. Don’t give your dick a pet name unless it’s extraordinarily special, if you know what I mean.
24. “Toned” does not exist in his lexicon. He doesn’t have to be a meathead but he should recognize that one goes to the gym to lift, not to “tone up”.
25. He must not take over the bed when we’re sleeping.
26. He must like to take showers, but not obsessively.
27. He must recognize that musical genius did not begin with Madonna.
28. He should tell me to shut up when I get hysterical.
29. He must be courteous and polite. Always let a woman exit an elevator first, always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and NEVER talk about your ex[es] on the first date, among other things.
30. He must not express incredulity at my lack of knowledge of pop culture.
31. Books are not meant to be wall decorations.
32. He shouldn’t be as serious as I am.
33. John Belushi and Jay Leno ARE NOT the same person.
34. He must read at least one newspaper. Sorry, but the N.Y. Post does not qualify. Ditto for the Daily News.
35. He must not watch The Food Network. Or if he does, he must recognize that Bobby Flay can’t cook jackshit.
36. He must not be half my height.
37. He must have a reasonably well-kept appearance.
38. He must be self-confident. “Dominant” and “masculine” are not words in his vocabulary. Those qualities are self-evident in his nature without him having to say so.
39. He must like to wear sneakers.
40. He must be a fan of public transportation.
41. He must not equate New York City with Sodom-on-the-Hudson.
42. He must be able to be flamboyant. Get in touch with your inner Ethel.
43. He must like holding hands in public.
44. Being gay is a part of him but he doesn’t wear it on his sleeve.
45. He must be a good listener, in addition to being able to communicate effectively.
46. He must be a good person. Put it another way: you don’t have to be spiritual to be religious, but you can’t have religion without spirituality.
47. He must be able to go from Water Music to wild child in under five seconds.
48. He must not be provincial.
49. He must not have a cell phone. Or if he does, he should be patient with me because I am cellphone-less.
50. Barbra is a goddess. That is all.
still wondering why shes still single...lol
2. He must have an appreciation for good food [although he does not have to be a foodie].
3. He must have respect for geeks. They rule the world and they’ve triumphed over those silly high school jocks.
4. He must be emotionally mature and in touch with his feelings. Romance is not a dirty word.
5. He must be aware of the meaning behind a light blue hanky and a dark blue hanky.
6. He must have a sense of humor. Smile a little, laugh a lot.
7. He must never mix the soy sauce with the wasabi. California rolls are an abomination best left hidden.
8. He must not be a Republican. Or a libertarian.
9. He must understand the difference between role-playing games/RPGs and roleplaying situations. One of these things has nothing to do with the other.
10. He must know how to kiss, and not like a pez dispenser.
11. He must be compassionate.
12. He must know what he wants out of life. It’s fine to be aimless when you’re a twenty year old Young Thing, not so much when you’re in my age range.
13. He must not be a one note top. It’s all about the motion of the ocean.
14. He must not be a pushy bottom. Good sex is like Torville and Dean’s Bolero.
15. He must be gainfully employed.
16. He must not be a butter nazi. Fat equals flavor.
17. He must know the difference between Barthes and Sartre and be prepared to defend one over the other.
18. He must like old movies.
19. He must know who Jack Kirby and Frank Miller are.
20. He must have some appreciation for Barry Manilow.
21. He must not mix up Olivia Newton-John with Jane Fonda.
22. Opera is not a foreign language.
23. A penis is not a weenie. Don’t give your dick a pet name unless it’s extraordinarily special, if you know what I mean.
24. “Toned” does not exist in his lexicon. He doesn’t have to be a meathead but he should recognize that one goes to the gym to lift, not to “tone up”.
25. He must not take over the bed when we’re sleeping.
26. He must like to take showers, but not obsessively.
27. He must recognize that musical genius did not begin with Madonna.
28. He should tell me to shut up when I get hysterical.
29. He must be courteous and polite. Always let a woman exit an elevator first, always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and NEVER talk about your ex[es] on the first date, among other things.
30. He must not express incredulity at my lack of knowledge of pop culture.
31. Books are not meant to be wall decorations.
32. He shouldn’t be as serious as I am.
33. John Belushi and Jay Leno ARE NOT the same person.
34. He must read at least one newspaper. Sorry, but the N.Y. Post does not qualify. Ditto for the Daily News.
35. He must not watch The Food Network. Or if he does, he must recognize that Bobby Flay can’t cook jackshit.
36. He must not be half my height.
37. He must have a reasonably well-kept appearance.
38. He must be self-confident. “Dominant” and “masculine” are not words in his vocabulary. Those qualities are self-evident in his nature without him having to say so.
39. He must like to wear sneakers.
40. He must be a fan of public transportation.
41. He must not equate New York City with Sodom-on-the-Hudson.
42. He must be able to be flamboyant. Get in touch with your inner Ethel.
43. He must like holding hands in public.
44. Being gay is a part of him but he doesn’t wear it on his sleeve.
45. He must be a good listener, in addition to being able to communicate effectively.
46. He must be a good person. Put it another way: you don’t have to be spiritual to be religious, but you can’t have religion without spirituality.
47. He must be able to go from Water Music to wild child in under five seconds.
48. He must not be provincial.
49. He must not have a cell phone. Or if he does, he should be patient with me because I am cellphone-less.
50. Barbra is a goddess. That is all.
still wondering why shes still single...lol
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Why a Man Lies...
As a survey shows men frequently lie about themselves, we offer women an insider's guide to the mysterious workings of the male mind. I'm a man and I'm a liar. A pretty good one, actually. All those tells and tics you're supposed to have when you let fly a porkie? I don't get them. Which helps when I'm trying to pick up women, because I can say pretty much anything and sound like I mean it. That's not to say I go into every encounter with some elaborate fake backstory. I've never pretended I'm a millionaire, or told fibs about some sad background to find sympathy with a similarly-afflicted girl. I have, however, pretended I was an Oscar-nominated screenwriter, told someone I was manager of the Arctic Monkeys and, for one bizarre evening, been an Australian adventurer.
And I'm not alone. Most men are compulsive liars if you believe the results of a new survey by Virgin, which found that one in ten British blokes between 18 and 40 added five thousand imaginary pounds to their salary, while 25% have lied about the size of their manhood. Researchers concluded that men lie more impulsively than women, but added that one of the reasons for this is because the modern male is under more pressure than ever before in both his personal and professional life.
But is this true? Does lying work? Are women really impressed by faux tales of superlative salary, girth and length, especially when it's so easy to be caught out? "There's two phases of male lying," says Neil Strauss, author of The Game, the bestselling memoir of his year as a professional pick-up artist. "Courtship lying to get someone to like them and relationship lying to keep their girlfriend from leaving them." "Men are horrible liars," he continues. "They usually get caught and if they don't, it leads to a suspicion that lasts for the whole of the relationship. But I don't think men lie because they are horrible people, they lie because they're weak."
"I think there's more pressure on men," adds Susan Quilliam, a relationship psychologist and author of Body Language Secrets. "There's a much higher rate of male depression and suicide than there was. Because they are insecure, they will try and compensate by lying." The lengths some men go to put my tales of the Australian outback to shame. Strauss recalls "guys who got fake bank receipts that showed huge balances and when they gave someone their phone number, they'd 'accidentally' write it on the back of them".
And actually, it's all women's fault anyway; with their rising pay packets and demand for equality. Us men still want to feel like we are cock of the walk and impress the ladies with our status and power, but the problem is, we are facing potential partners who are richer and more successful than us. It probably won't shock you to hear that I am currently single. What I do know is that my break-ups were about us as people, not about the size of my credentials. The irony is that while we men think we have to impress with tales of luxury yachts and magnums of Cristal, in actual fact it's honesty and trustworthiness that are higher on a woman's agenda when it comes to looking for a mate. "I think a man's belief that he has to lie about himself is based on a primitive understanding of what girls are attracted to," argues Neil Strauss. "[Men] think that women want a rich person, but they don't, they want to feel safe. What also makes them safe is a guy they can trust. So honesty and trust are for some women more important than wealth."
In fact, he believes most lying men are doing it for each other's benefit rather than women's. "Guys are still competing with each other to be the alpha male of the pack," he says. "There's a primal, evolutionary need to be the 'tribal' leader." What's more, lying during courtship "is not going to work. If you have to say how big your pay packet is, it's not that big, because you're bragging about it. Girls aren't looking for a fact or a number, they operate more intuitively". It's true. Despite my fabrications, I have actually had more luck being straightforward and witty, rather than extravagant and cocky.
Girls can sense honesty and the desire to make a real connection, as opposed to a man who covers up deep-seated insecurity with an expensive suit and wandering hands. "If you think about it, because so many guys lie, it's better to say the opposite," Strauss suggests. "Never brag - as soon as you brag about something, it's lost its value." So, sure, we men can be a manipulative bunch, but ladies - don't think you're completely innocent in all this. For starters the Virgin survey acknowledged that women can be mendacious, pointing out that 16% of females have played down the number of sexual partners they've had.
What's more, Susan Quilliam believes women can be complicit in their suitor's lies too. "They want a boyfriend they're proud of," she says. "A woman will often say 'oh, he's doing really well' when he's not, to present her man as someone who is achieving and has control over his life." So what of this survey? After all, isn't the relationship between men and women all one big, complicated dance? To me, the process of meeting someone new has always felt like the trailer before the main feature: all the best laughs, action and romance cleverly cobbled together without all the boring bits.
The trailer never shows the daily grind, the mountains of washing up, the overdraft statements. Isn't this one big variation on a lie we are all partaking in? I'm sure people in love would beg to differ with me.
But then they're probably lying...
Guys, what's the biggest porky you've ever told to impress a woman- and did it work?
And Girls, what's the biggest whopper you've heard from a fella?
And I'm not alone. Most men are compulsive liars if you believe the results of a new survey by Virgin, which found that one in ten British blokes between 18 and 40 added five thousand imaginary pounds to their salary, while 25% have lied about the size of their manhood. Researchers concluded that men lie more impulsively than women, but added that one of the reasons for this is because the modern male is under more pressure than ever before in both his personal and professional life.
But is this true? Does lying work? Are women really impressed by faux tales of superlative salary, girth and length, especially when it's so easy to be caught out? "There's two phases of male lying," says Neil Strauss, author of The Game, the bestselling memoir of his year as a professional pick-up artist. "Courtship lying to get someone to like them and relationship lying to keep their girlfriend from leaving them." "Men are horrible liars," he continues. "They usually get caught and if they don't, it leads to a suspicion that lasts for the whole of the relationship. But I don't think men lie because they are horrible people, they lie because they're weak."
"I think there's more pressure on men," adds Susan Quilliam, a relationship psychologist and author of Body Language Secrets. "There's a much higher rate of male depression and suicide than there was. Because they are insecure, they will try and compensate by lying." The lengths some men go to put my tales of the Australian outback to shame. Strauss recalls "guys who got fake bank receipts that showed huge balances and when they gave someone their phone number, they'd 'accidentally' write it on the back of them".
And actually, it's all women's fault anyway; with their rising pay packets and demand for equality. Us men still want to feel like we are cock of the walk and impress the ladies with our status and power, but the problem is, we are facing potential partners who are richer and more successful than us. It probably won't shock you to hear that I am currently single. What I do know is that my break-ups were about us as people, not about the size of my credentials. The irony is that while we men think we have to impress with tales of luxury yachts and magnums of Cristal, in actual fact it's honesty and trustworthiness that are higher on a woman's agenda when it comes to looking for a mate. "I think a man's belief that he has to lie about himself is based on a primitive understanding of what girls are attracted to," argues Neil Strauss. "[Men] think that women want a rich person, but they don't, they want to feel safe. What also makes them safe is a guy they can trust. So honesty and trust are for some women more important than wealth."
In fact, he believes most lying men are doing it for each other's benefit rather than women's. "Guys are still competing with each other to be the alpha male of the pack," he says. "There's a primal, evolutionary need to be the 'tribal' leader." What's more, lying during courtship "is not going to work. If you have to say how big your pay packet is, it's not that big, because you're bragging about it. Girls aren't looking for a fact or a number, they operate more intuitively". It's true. Despite my fabrications, I have actually had more luck being straightforward and witty, rather than extravagant and cocky.
Girls can sense honesty and the desire to make a real connection, as opposed to a man who covers up deep-seated insecurity with an expensive suit and wandering hands. "If you think about it, because so many guys lie, it's better to say the opposite," Strauss suggests. "Never brag - as soon as you brag about something, it's lost its value." So, sure, we men can be a manipulative bunch, but ladies - don't think you're completely innocent in all this. For starters the Virgin survey acknowledged that women can be mendacious, pointing out that 16% of females have played down the number of sexual partners they've had.
What's more, Susan Quilliam believes women can be complicit in their suitor's lies too. "They want a boyfriend they're proud of," she says. "A woman will often say 'oh, he's doing really well' when he's not, to present her man as someone who is achieving and has control over his life." So what of this survey? After all, isn't the relationship between men and women all one big, complicated dance? To me, the process of meeting someone new has always felt like the trailer before the main feature: all the best laughs, action and romance cleverly cobbled together without all the boring bits.
The trailer never shows the daily grind, the mountains of washing up, the overdraft statements. Isn't this one big variation on a lie we are all partaking in? I'm sure people in love would beg to differ with me.
But then they're probably lying...
Guys, what's the biggest porky you've ever told to impress a woman- and did it work?
And Girls, what's the biggest whopper you've heard from a fella?
Monday, February 18, 2008
How to Break the Bad-Boy Habit
Have you gone out with more than one bad boy in the last year? Are you in an on-again off-again relationship with a bad boy? If so, you may have a bad-boy habit that needs to be broken.
Set yourself free from that bad boy with these five steps:
1. Write a list of all the bad things he has done to you.
Women tend to get short memories when it comes to all the terrible ways bad boys treat them. They don't want to think about it. But if you decide to break the bad-boy habit, you need to force yourself to think about it! Write down a list of all the downright mean things he has done to you.If he cheated on you and lied about it, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. Anytime he made you cry, write it down. Here is the best part -- put the list up on the wall next to a picture of him, so you associate his face with all the awful things he has done to you. He doesn't seem so attractive now, does he?
2. Stop having sex with him.
A lot of times women will keep bad boys in their life way too long. This prevents you from meeting other people. And if you do meet someone else, you are not going to give him a fair shot. By continuing to have sex with the bad boy, you are prolonging the chemistry you feel for him. And then you wonder why you don't feel attracted to the nice guy who just asked you out. It's because you've got all your hormones wrapped up in Mr. Bad.
3. Realize that nice isn't boring.
Nice guys often get the label of being boring, and the problem is it's not true! The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. It's easy to predict that if you get back together with him for the third time, he is going to flirt with other women right in front of you. It's easy to predict that he is going to make you feel unattractive and miserable in a day or two. There are no surprises in this type of relationship. Yet, the nice guy is liable to surprise you with a DVD of your favorite movie when you are sick or a fabulous compliment when you are feeling down. Now, that's exciting!
4. Ask yourself why you keep going for the bad-boy type.
If you keep allowing yourself to get involved with bad boys, there is a reason and you need to start to dig deep for it. Maybe you have become addicted to drama. Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe you are not sure what the qualities are that you should be looking for in a man. Take time to self-reflect about it, educate yourself about it, and think about seeing a therapist to help you along the way.
5. Remember bad boys really are bad!
For some women, the idea of the bad-boy type has an allure. For a split second it may seem sexy and fun. What they don't realize is that bad boys are going to treat you bad and it's not sexy or fun! There is a big difference between the bad-boy fantasy and the reality of having a relationship with one. The actual relationships are harsh and mean and they don't change. Stop falling for the fantasy. Instead, fall for a real, good guy!
Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.
Set yourself free from that bad boy with these five steps:
1. Write a list of all the bad things he has done to you.
Women tend to get short memories when it comes to all the terrible ways bad boys treat them. They don't want to think about it. But if you decide to break the bad-boy habit, you need to force yourself to think about it! Write down a list of all the downright mean things he has done to you.If he cheated on you and lied about it, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. Anytime he made you cry, write it down. Here is the best part -- put the list up on the wall next to a picture of him, so you associate his face with all the awful things he has done to you. He doesn't seem so attractive now, does he?
2. Stop having sex with him.
A lot of times women will keep bad boys in their life way too long. This prevents you from meeting other people. And if you do meet someone else, you are not going to give him a fair shot. By continuing to have sex with the bad boy, you are prolonging the chemistry you feel for him. And then you wonder why you don't feel attracted to the nice guy who just asked you out. It's because you've got all your hormones wrapped up in Mr. Bad.
3. Realize that nice isn't boring.
Nice guys often get the label of being boring, and the problem is it's not true! The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. It's easy to predict that if you get back together with him for the third time, he is going to flirt with other women right in front of you. It's easy to predict that he is going to make you feel unattractive and miserable in a day or two. There are no surprises in this type of relationship. Yet, the nice guy is liable to surprise you with a DVD of your favorite movie when you are sick or a fabulous compliment when you are feeling down. Now, that's exciting!
4. Ask yourself why you keep going for the bad-boy type.
If you keep allowing yourself to get involved with bad boys, there is a reason and you need to start to dig deep for it. Maybe you have become addicted to drama. Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe you are not sure what the qualities are that you should be looking for in a man. Take time to self-reflect about it, educate yourself about it, and think about seeing a therapist to help you along the way.
5. Remember bad boys really are bad!
For some women, the idea of the bad-boy type has an allure. For a split second it may seem sexy and fun. What they don't realize is that bad boys are going to treat you bad and it's not sexy or fun! There is a big difference between the bad-boy fantasy and the reality of having a relationship with one. The actual relationships are harsh and mean and they don't change. Stop falling for the fantasy. Instead, fall for a real, good guy!
Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Fight The Desire to Put Her on a Pedestal
Today we're going to talk about tragedy. What a downer, but it's gotta be done.
We're going to talk about The Tragedy of the Self-Defeating Man.Catchy title, this might not be so bad.
Something that tends to happen with ALL men - and especially those who haven't had as much success with women - is they get stuck on ONE woman.
I don't mean they get trapped in a monogamous relationship that is unhealthy. That's a different newsletter.
Today, we're going to talk about the man who never GETS to the romantic level with a woman. And it drives him batty. It makes him try even HARDER to get her, and he'll try again and again until she can't stand the thought of him.
It's a natural reaction. Humans hate rejection. Faced with one,NOTHING feels better than reversing it. We get into a competition with whatever man we imagine she's waiting for, and we're NOT going to lose.
And I think of baseball.
In baseball, unlike most other sports, you need to be relaxed to succeed. You can't be too concerned about any one at bat, or you literally choke the bat. You lose your fluidness, you lose your rhythm, you tense up, and you wind up choking yourself.
Women are the same way. If you strike out, the WORST thing you can do is try NOT to strike out again. The BEST thing you can do is take your next at-bat like you would in a batting cage. Relaxed and allowing your swing to be natural.
Ok, this metaphor has gone too far. Let's get back to simple reality.
When a guy fails to get romantic with a woman he's attracted to and he becomes MORE determined to get her, he winds up suffocating her with attention. He chases her, and what do we do when we're chased?
We run away.
Worse, the woman gets built up in the guy's mind to this elusive perfect creature, and the rejection sting just gets WORSE the more time and thought he puts into her. He feels MORE attraction, and the more he feels, the farther away she runs.
Enough tragedy, let's get healthy.
First, the woman is almost CERTAINLY not as great as you think she is. You start off attracted physically, but the more beautiful women you meet, the more you realize they are as screwed up as everyone else. Sometimes more, because they wind up with a skewed view of the world because of their beauty.
What's more, people always try to put their best foot forward when first meeting someone, and you can wind up with a more positive image than the complete reality warrants.
Combine your pedestal view of the woman with the need to overcome rejection and the forbidden fruit, you wind up with an unhealthy obsession that just drives the woman away and makes you miserable.
You can know all this and still do it, so you need to remind yourself often.
A woman who is attractive, intelligent, sane, and has her life together is REALLY rare. You can date a different woman every night for a year and not find one. And you CERTAINLY aren't going to know if the current woman you are interested in is one of these rare creatures until you've spent a LOT of time with her.
And you'll NEVER find out if you spend all your time chasing her away.
The solution? RELAX. Let go of love-at-first-sight dreams - if it happens, then there won't be any rejections to worry about anyway.MOST of the time we're dealing with lust-at-first-sight, and we get confused about it as other emotions push us into pursuit.
When a woman isn't interested, the healthiest thing you can do for BOTH of you is to say that most powerful word, you know the one,all together now:
NEXT.
Forcing yourself on a woman NEVER works. It doesn't have to be the creepy afternoon special forcing yourself either, just PUSHING too hard is a major turn-off.
You need to remember that the girl you're thinking about, most likely, ISN'T as special as you think. There are PLENTY of others out there, and plenty of THEM WILL be interested in you.
Why waste your time on one who isn't?
The best thing you can do is go out and meet tons of women. As you have more success you'll get a better grasp of what kinds of women are out there. You'll also start to realize that, as perfect as one might seem at first, rarely does that impression last forever.
IF you've been out with numerous women AND you're seeing one who seems like everything you've ever wanted AND you still think that after months of dating, great. You've found her.
But UNTIL you've done that, you really can't know. So let that logical brain supercede the emotional one and realize your early impressions AREN'T THAT ACCURATE.
That's no fault of yours. You just don't have enough data points to really know who she is.
But while this is all very logical, it doesn't really help the EMOTIONAL aspect, which almost always rules us humans no matter how much we try to argue it down.
So the key is to AVOID THE EMOTIONAL from the get-go. Stop yourself from prematurely getting emotionally involved.
Learn to say NEXT from the beginning. Don't look at each new woman you meet as a potential ANYTHING except a learning experience. When you finally DO meet a woman who meets your highest expectations,you'll know it's REAL because she had to convince you.
If you stop yourself from getting emotionally attached, it's much easier to let a woman who's not interested go.
Once you're emotionally invested, it's tough to let go, even if you KNOW that it's based on nothing but your own WANT and has nothing to do with her.
You want an exercise, do you? Ok, here's an easy one. The next five women you are attracted to, talk to them. Establish rapport. Do everything you would do if you wanted to create attraction.
And then let her go. DON'T pursue her at all, don't get a number,just take mental notes of what works well and what doesn't, so you can use it in future interactions. Which should happen in the same frame - each approach is just practice for the next.
Oddly enough, you'll find that nonchalance has an ENCHANTING affect on women, and you might have some start to show a lot of interest in you.
Refuse them! That's right, I'm telling you to turn down sex, if it comes to that. I'm an evil evil sensei.
If one winds up so desperate that you just can't help it, then when you progress romantically, remember that YOU are doing HER the favor. You're breaking a disciplined practice to satiate this begging lady.
What a gallant guy you are, eh?
Carry this attitude around, and you should be able to avoid the irrational attachment to the ones who get away. No more tragedy.Hello happy aesthetic life full of women who want to be near you.Instead of YOU chasing THEM and driving them away, you want to get THEM chasing YOU.
All it takes is changing the frame of your interactions. Don't chase. They'll be so surprised - all men chase these attractive women - that they'll wind up intrigued and, eventually, they WILL chase you.
And that's when you can get picky.
Maybe I'm not such an evil sensei after all.
REMEMBER, you aren't going to know what a woman is really like on that first meeting. Unless you study psychology, communication and hidden behavior in-depth, the best foot forward and the real foot back are just too different to be seen immediately.
Of course, you CAN pick my brain, as I've done a lot of study and I can pass on some of what I've learned. You can find everything you need to get your game up to par on Seduction Science.
Continue practicing relaxed confidence to radically improve your game and the quality of women you bring into your life.
Until Next Time,
Your Friend,
Derekhttp://www.seductionscience.com/getthegirlfriend
We're going to talk about The Tragedy of the Self-Defeating Man.Catchy title, this might not be so bad.
Something that tends to happen with ALL men - and especially those who haven't had as much success with women - is they get stuck on ONE woman.
I don't mean they get trapped in a monogamous relationship that is unhealthy. That's a different newsletter.
Today, we're going to talk about the man who never GETS to the romantic level with a woman. And it drives him batty. It makes him try even HARDER to get her, and he'll try again and again until she can't stand the thought of him.
It's a natural reaction. Humans hate rejection. Faced with one,NOTHING feels better than reversing it. We get into a competition with whatever man we imagine she's waiting for, and we're NOT going to lose.
And I think of baseball.
In baseball, unlike most other sports, you need to be relaxed to succeed. You can't be too concerned about any one at bat, or you literally choke the bat. You lose your fluidness, you lose your rhythm, you tense up, and you wind up choking yourself.
Women are the same way. If you strike out, the WORST thing you can do is try NOT to strike out again. The BEST thing you can do is take your next at-bat like you would in a batting cage. Relaxed and allowing your swing to be natural.
Ok, this metaphor has gone too far. Let's get back to simple reality.
When a guy fails to get romantic with a woman he's attracted to and he becomes MORE determined to get her, he winds up suffocating her with attention. He chases her, and what do we do when we're chased?
We run away.
Worse, the woman gets built up in the guy's mind to this elusive perfect creature, and the rejection sting just gets WORSE the more time and thought he puts into her. He feels MORE attraction, and the more he feels, the farther away she runs.
Enough tragedy, let's get healthy.
First, the woman is almost CERTAINLY not as great as you think she is. You start off attracted physically, but the more beautiful women you meet, the more you realize they are as screwed up as everyone else. Sometimes more, because they wind up with a skewed view of the world because of their beauty.
What's more, people always try to put their best foot forward when first meeting someone, and you can wind up with a more positive image than the complete reality warrants.
Combine your pedestal view of the woman with the need to overcome rejection and the forbidden fruit, you wind up with an unhealthy obsession that just drives the woman away and makes you miserable.
You can know all this and still do it, so you need to remind yourself often.
A woman who is attractive, intelligent, sane, and has her life together is REALLY rare. You can date a different woman every night for a year and not find one. And you CERTAINLY aren't going to know if the current woman you are interested in is one of these rare creatures until you've spent a LOT of time with her.
And you'll NEVER find out if you spend all your time chasing her away.
The solution? RELAX. Let go of love-at-first-sight dreams - if it happens, then there won't be any rejections to worry about anyway.MOST of the time we're dealing with lust-at-first-sight, and we get confused about it as other emotions push us into pursuit.
When a woman isn't interested, the healthiest thing you can do for BOTH of you is to say that most powerful word, you know the one,all together now:
NEXT.
Forcing yourself on a woman NEVER works. It doesn't have to be the creepy afternoon special forcing yourself either, just PUSHING too hard is a major turn-off.
You need to remember that the girl you're thinking about, most likely, ISN'T as special as you think. There are PLENTY of others out there, and plenty of THEM WILL be interested in you.
Why waste your time on one who isn't?
The best thing you can do is go out and meet tons of women. As you have more success you'll get a better grasp of what kinds of women are out there. You'll also start to realize that, as perfect as one might seem at first, rarely does that impression last forever.
IF you've been out with numerous women AND you're seeing one who seems like everything you've ever wanted AND you still think that after months of dating, great. You've found her.
But UNTIL you've done that, you really can't know. So let that logical brain supercede the emotional one and realize your early impressions AREN'T THAT ACCURATE.
That's no fault of yours. You just don't have enough data points to really know who she is.
But while this is all very logical, it doesn't really help the EMOTIONAL aspect, which almost always rules us humans no matter how much we try to argue it down.
So the key is to AVOID THE EMOTIONAL from the get-go. Stop yourself from prematurely getting emotionally involved.
Learn to say NEXT from the beginning. Don't look at each new woman you meet as a potential ANYTHING except a learning experience. When you finally DO meet a woman who meets your highest expectations,you'll know it's REAL because she had to convince you.
If you stop yourself from getting emotionally attached, it's much easier to let a woman who's not interested go.
Once you're emotionally invested, it's tough to let go, even if you KNOW that it's based on nothing but your own WANT and has nothing to do with her.
You want an exercise, do you? Ok, here's an easy one. The next five women you are attracted to, talk to them. Establish rapport. Do everything you would do if you wanted to create attraction.
And then let her go. DON'T pursue her at all, don't get a number,just take mental notes of what works well and what doesn't, so you can use it in future interactions. Which should happen in the same frame - each approach is just practice for the next.
Oddly enough, you'll find that nonchalance has an ENCHANTING affect on women, and you might have some start to show a lot of interest in you.
Refuse them! That's right, I'm telling you to turn down sex, if it comes to that. I'm an evil evil sensei.
If one winds up so desperate that you just can't help it, then when you progress romantically, remember that YOU are doing HER the favor. You're breaking a disciplined practice to satiate this begging lady.
What a gallant guy you are, eh?
Carry this attitude around, and you should be able to avoid the irrational attachment to the ones who get away. No more tragedy.Hello happy aesthetic life full of women who want to be near you.Instead of YOU chasing THEM and driving them away, you want to get THEM chasing YOU.
All it takes is changing the frame of your interactions. Don't chase. They'll be so surprised - all men chase these attractive women - that they'll wind up intrigued and, eventually, they WILL chase you.
And that's when you can get picky.
Maybe I'm not such an evil sensei after all.
REMEMBER, you aren't going to know what a woman is really like on that first meeting. Unless you study psychology, communication and hidden behavior in-depth, the best foot forward and the real foot back are just too different to be seen immediately.
Of course, you CAN pick my brain, as I've done a lot of study and I can pass on some of what I've learned. You can find everything you need to get your game up to par on Seduction Science.
Continue practicing relaxed confidence to radically improve your game and the quality of women you bring into your life.
Until Next Time,
Your Friend,
Derekhttp://www.seductionscience.com/getthegirlfriend
friday 15/02/08
am soo happy cause i just received great news...shey you tose kind of happiness you cant show...
okay let me call it relief...no its not because today is a friday...well thats great, its not because i got a babe for a day since the valentine hypnosis is still on and its not because am not coming to work tomorrow...well its because my boss would not likely leave as soon as i thought anymore...isnt that great?...i hope he wont put me has part of his prayer point...but you know i feel the company needs him more now while its going through this stage...
well how was your val...i spent 6 hours sleeping, 12 hours at work,3 hours watching tv,listening to music and working on my database simultaneously,2 hours in traffic...and the last hour on miscellanous...if u want explanation ask....couldnt just make time for anything....sha i took the long way home...just to pass allen...and from benzs to limos and danfos to okadas, everyone was in the mood...there was so much traffic on the road...i give kudos to the marketers who have hyped this event so much...even the little kids in my house were dressed in shades of red to pink...and yes the customary chocolate ate in my house bought by my mum...the talk gravitated as usual whenever my younger sis is around to my babe....well i wonder who told her about the one in sudan....couldnt just tell them it was over cause mummy didnt believe i would leave all the babes in nigeria to go to sudan...lol
hope u guys like the small match making service...if you're single, just dont pick a no., you could actually drop urs too...we dont want a situation that like 10 girls will be calling a guy or vice versa...lol...also its completely free...lol
anyways u guys have a great weekend....
okay let me call it relief...no its not because today is a friday...well thats great, its not because i got a babe for a day since the valentine hypnosis is still on and its not because am not coming to work tomorrow...well its because my boss would not likely leave as soon as i thought anymore...isnt that great?...i hope he wont put me has part of his prayer point...but you know i feel the company needs him more now while its going through this stage...
well how was your val...i spent 6 hours sleeping, 12 hours at work,3 hours watching tv,listening to music and working on my database simultaneously,2 hours in traffic...and the last hour on miscellanous...if u want explanation ask....couldnt just make time for anything....sha i took the long way home...just to pass allen...and from benzs to limos and danfos to okadas, everyone was in the mood...there was so much traffic on the road...i give kudos to the marketers who have hyped this event so much...even the little kids in my house were dressed in shades of red to pink...and yes the customary chocolate ate in my house bought by my mum...the talk gravitated as usual whenever my younger sis is around to my babe....well i wonder who told her about the one in sudan....couldnt just tell them it was over cause mummy didnt believe i would leave all the babes in nigeria to go to sudan...lol
hope u guys like the small match making service...if you're single, just dont pick a no., you could actually drop urs too...we dont want a situation that like 10 girls will be calling a guy or vice versa...lol...also its completely free...lol
anyways u guys have a great weekend....
Thursday, February 14, 2008
thursday february 14 2008
so its another valentines day and am single again...so customary for me on this day, i switch off my phone,cant just stand all the acts of love that people exagerate on this day, then i have a lot of toasters and admirers who would want a lil something something for me...and money no dey...so i dont celebrate valentine...rather than spend all that money on one girl, why dont we just go and volunteer ourselves at an orphanage...
by now u also know that i've not started my mobile dating service...i havent been able to have a sitdown with the software guy...also i dont have a lot of cash at the moment...scratch that i dont have cash at the moment...and no phoneso i've been spending the last two days building another database on access,practicing really,and thinking of our i'll incorporate the mobile dating on my blog well until i sort the money issue out...hope blogspot allows it...so stay tuned on this page.
my most memorable valentine was when we had a promo during the early days...i hopw we wld be able to continue it...it was called 14 free dates on feb 14...then we used to charge 4,000 per individual to match them together but from the 7th to the 13th we would throw our phone lines open and matched those who called in free...take them out on dates at restaurants or fastfood joints...it was really stressful but we enjoyed it...well,we did the promo only once like this since then we dont take them out anymore...then if there were some of our clients still single...because its our fault...or theirs...we send roses.chocolate and recharge cards to make up...
so tonight, its going to be me,mum and the tv or my laptop...well am thinking of buying chocolate so i'll val my mum...lol
so no sex tonight...sob..we isnt that what you guys do tonight anyways...are u going to spend all ur money on that babe and u wont get atleast a peek,babe do u think he's getting you drunk so that he can then drive you to your house without doing nothing...well if he does,he's definately gay...lolbut take it easy bo...use your head...and he'll use protection
got to get back to work...
by now u also know that i've not started my mobile dating service...i havent been able to have a sitdown with the software guy...also i dont have a lot of cash at the moment...scratch that i dont have cash at the moment...and no phoneso i've been spending the last two days building another database on access,practicing really,and thinking of our i'll incorporate the mobile dating on my blog well until i sort the money issue out...hope blogspot allows it...so stay tuned on this page.
my most memorable valentine was when we had a promo during the early days...i hopw we wld be able to continue it...it was called 14 free dates on feb 14...then we used to charge 4,000 per individual to match them together but from the 7th to the 13th we would throw our phone lines open and matched those who called in free...take them out on dates at restaurants or fastfood joints...it was really stressful but we enjoyed it...well,we did the promo only once like this since then we dont take them out anymore...then if there were some of our clients still single...because its our fault...or theirs...we send roses.chocolate and recharge cards to make up...
so tonight, its going to be me,mum and the tv or my laptop...well am thinking of buying chocolate so i'll val my mum...lol
so no sex tonight...sob..we isnt that what you guys do tonight anyways...are u going to spend all ur money on that babe and u wont get atleast a peek,babe do u think he's getting you drunk so that he can then drive you to your house without doing nothing...well if he does,he's definately gay...lolbut take it easy bo...use your head...and he'll use protection
got to get back to work...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
and they say nigerians are fraudsters
PARIS - French bank Societe Generale said Thursday it has uncovered a $7.14 billion fraud — one of history's biggest — by a single futures trader who fooled investors and overstepped his authority.
The fraud destabilized a major bank already exposed to the subprime crisis. France's second-largest bank by market value said it would be forced to seek 5.5 billion euros ($8.02 billion) in new capital.
Trading in Societe Generale's shares, which have lost nearly half their value over the past six months, was suspended on the Paris bourse. It was unclear when trading would resume.
The bank said it detected the fraud at its French markets division the weekend of Jan. 19-20. In a statement announcing the discovery, it called the fraud "exceptional in its size and nature."
It said a trader at the futures desk had misled investors in 2007 and 2008 through a "scheme of elaborate fictitious transactions."
The trader, who was not named, used his knowledge of the group's security systems to conceal his fraudulent positions, a statement from the bank said.
The individual confessed to the fraud, the bank said, and was being dismissed. His supervisors were to leave the group. Chief Executive Daniel Bouton offered his resignation, but the board rejected it.
An analysis confirmed the "isolated and exceptional nature" of the fraud, the bank said.
The fraud appeared to be the largest ever by a single trader. If confirmed, it would far outstrip the Nick Leeson trading scandal in 1995 that bankrupted British bank Barings. Barings collapsed after Leeson, the bank's Singapore general manager of futures trading, lost 860 million pounds — then worth $1.38 billion — on Asian futures markets, wiping out the bank's cash reserves. The company had been in business for more than 230 years.
The fraud was not as big as the 1991 scandal that led to the demise of the Bank of Credit and Commerce International. Claims by depositors and creditors exceeded $10 billion at the time.
International bank regulators seized BCCI, which had headquarters in Luxembourg, London and the Cayman Islands, on July 5, 1991. They acted on auditors' reports that described huge losses from illegal loans to corporate insiders and from trading transactions.
At Societe Generale, the fraud announcement came on the back of subprime-related difficulties. Subprime writedowns linked to the crisis in financial markets amounted to euro2.05 billion ($2.99 billion), Societe Generale said.
As a result, the bank is planning a capital hike in the "following weeks."
The write-down and losses will lead the company to post a net profit of euro600 million to euro800 million ($874 million to $1.16 billion) for all of 2007, the Paris-based bank said.
The Bank of France said it was immediately informed of the fraud and was investigating. The French market regulator, the AMF, said it had no comment. France's Banking Federation also declined to comment.
Shares of SocGen closed down 4.1 percent at euro79.08 ($115.25) on Wednesday. Full-year results will be announced Feb. 21.
The fraud destabilized a major bank already exposed to the subprime crisis. France's second-largest bank by market value said it would be forced to seek 5.5 billion euros ($8.02 billion) in new capital.
Trading in Societe Generale's shares, which have lost nearly half their value over the past six months, was suspended on the Paris bourse. It was unclear when trading would resume.
The bank said it detected the fraud at its French markets division the weekend of Jan. 19-20. In a statement announcing the discovery, it called the fraud "exceptional in its size and nature."
It said a trader at the futures desk had misled investors in 2007 and 2008 through a "scheme of elaborate fictitious transactions."
The trader, who was not named, used his knowledge of the group's security systems to conceal his fraudulent positions, a statement from the bank said.
The individual confessed to the fraud, the bank said, and was being dismissed. His supervisors were to leave the group. Chief Executive Daniel Bouton offered his resignation, but the board rejected it.
An analysis confirmed the "isolated and exceptional nature" of the fraud, the bank said.
The fraud appeared to be the largest ever by a single trader. If confirmed, it would far outstrip the Nick Leeson trading scandal in 1995 that bankrupted British bank Barings. Barings collapsed after Leeson, the bank's Singapore general manager of futures trading, lost 860 million pounds — then worth $1.38 billion — on Asian futures markets, wiping out the bank's cash reserves. The company had been in business for more than 230 years.
The fraud was not as big as the 1991 scandal that led to the demise of the Bank of Credit and Commerce International. Claims by depositors and creditors exceeded $10 billion at the time.
International bank regulators seized BCCI, which had headquarters in Luxembourg, London and the Cayman Islands, on July 5, 1991. They acted on auditors' reports that described huge losses from illegal loans to corporate insiders and from trading transactions.
At Societe Generale, the fraud announcement came on the back of subprime-related difficulties. Subprime writedowns linked to the crisis in financial markets amounted to euro2.05 billion ($2.99 billion), Societe Generale said.
As a result, the bank is planning a capital hike in the "following weeks."
The write-down and losses will lead the company to post a net profit of euro600 million to euro800 million ($874 million to $1.16 billion) for all of 2007, the Paris-based bank said.
The Bank of France said it was immediately informed of the fraud and was investigating. The French market regulator, the AMF, said it had no comment. France's Banking Federation also declined to comment.
Shares of SocGen closed down 4.1 percent at euro79.08 ($115.25) on Wednesday. Full-year results will be announced Feb. 21.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes That Men Make
Syrtash gets the scoop from daters -- females and males -- about the top mistakes men make when they're dating. See how to avoid those mistakes
How many times have you gone on what you thought was an amazing date only to find that the person never calls back or doesn't seem interested when you try to book another date?
Dating can be awkward, and everyone makes mistakes. Of course, there are some instances in which the person you like doesn't follow up and it has nothing to do with you (e.g,. an ex comes back into her life...don't you love that?). But often it's simple things we do (or don't do) that prevent us from making a connection.During the past few years, I've interviewed hundreds of daters and asked them what they were looking for, and it's amazing to hear the same themes. Women have certainly complained to me about the biggest mistakes they feel that men make in dating, so I thought I'd share the secrets. (Don't worry -- I have plenty of material on the mistakes women make, but that's for a future installment. Don't worry -- I have plenty of material on the mistakes women make, but that's for a future installment.)
Top Five Dating Mistakes That Men Make
1. Men Show Off or Try to Impress Too Much. Don't offer your resume, your earning potential, and tell us how you'll change our lives the first time we meet you. Instead of talking about yourself the whole night, ask questions! Don't come on too strong right away. Let us figure out if we want to be with you, instead of telling us we do.
2. Men Don't Listen to Us When We're Talking. We notice if you stop listening to us, if you ask us questions we just answered, or if you keep interrupting us when we're opening up. This drives most women nuts! Unless you're on call, don't check your Blackberry at dinner and don't check out other women. Focus on the woman across the table from you and listen to what she has to say. Focus on the woman across the table from you and listen to what she has to say.
3. Men Aren't Chivalrous. The lines here are not always clear. We want you to treat us like equals, but we also want you to treat us like women. It's nice when a man picks up the tab or makes sure his date gets home safely. It may be old-fashioned, but a number of women report that dating a gentleman matters.
4. Men Don't Take Initiative. Men, how many times have you caught yourself saying, "I don't know" or "Whatever you'd like" when planning a date? If you've asked a woman out, a better approach is to give a few fun and creative date options and ask her to pick one.Initiative doesn't mean ordering for a woman at a restaurant or ordering a woman around! It does mean confidently approaching your date with ideas, passion and interest. It also means you can be flirty and forward, letting her know how amazing you think she looks or how much you want to kiss her.
5. Men Say They'll Call and Then Don't. It's no surprise that acting like you're going to follow up when you're not bothers most women (and never underestimate the way word travels about you not keeping your word!). Better to end a date by saying, "It was nice to meet you. Have a good night." Don't act like you're going to follow up if you're not. If you've gone out more than a few times, be honest that while you enjoy your date's company, you don't feel a romantic connection. Just remember, communication is usually the way to go with a woman. Just remember, communication is usually the way to go with a woman.There are always exceptions, so I don't believe there are absolute rights and wrongs in dating -- but there are strategies. If you follow these simple steps, you'll be ahead in the dating game. At least you'll get an 'A' for effort.
Born in Toronto, Canada, Andrea Syrtash has been living in the United States for almost a decade. Andrea served as special editor for two books, "How to Survive the Real World" and "How to Survive Your In-Laws", and has written and lectured extensively on dating and living your best life. She has offered advice on NPR, in USA Today, as a writer for The Huffington Post and on NBC's Today Show. A graduate of The Coaches Training Institute, Andrea has been working with clients as a Life Coach over the past few years. She writes and hosts a dating advice show, ONDating, produced by NBC Digital Studios for ON Networks.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Ugh, It's Another Valentine's Day and I'm Still Single
9 empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling
By Caroline Presno
So, you are not in a relationship at the moment and Valentine's Day seems to be putting a big red spotlight on your singleness. Here are some practical and empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.
1. Wallow, But Just a Little
It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit if you're feeling extra sad or lonely. The key words here are "a little bit." Don't allow yourself to dwell or obsess. Confine your wallowing to a certain time period -- say, 15 minutes of self-pity and that's it.
2. Watch "Love Actually"
The movie "Love Actually" (rated R) is great cinematherapy for V-Day because it shows that romantic love is important, but other kinds of love are just as important, such as the love of family and friends. Don't let Valentine's Day be co-opted by couples. Send valentines to all the people you love in your life!
3. Go on a Trip
A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway with friends to a place where they are not constantly bombarded with images of hearts and cupids. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as you are using it as a fun escapade, rather than an escape.
4. Re-energize Your Relationship Search
If you are feeling down at this time of year, channel your negative energy into something positive. Have you been browsing online profiles but never send an email? Have you been using work as an excuse that you are too busy to meet people? Have you been dating the wrong types of men or women for you? Use Valentine's Day as a new start to self-reflect and be proactive.
5. Ask Someone Out
If you really want a date for Valentine's Day, don't wait to be asked -- go ahead and do the asking. Even if it's someone you think of as "just a friend," you'll still have fun going out and celebrating.
6. Cuddle Up to Something Warm and Fuzzy
Warm fuzzies just make you feel good. Those V-day stuffed animals are great. So are warm cozy blankets and floppy slippers. Many would agree that the best warm fuzzies are pets. If you have a pet, get him or her a Valentine's Day treat. If you don't, maybe it's time to consider a dog or cat... now that's unconditional love!
7. Eat Some Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is good for our hearts in more ways than one. Besides containing potent antioxidants, it has the power to boost endorphins, the "happy juice" in our brains. The higher the percentage of cacao, the better. On Valentine's Day get your friends together for a chocolate tasting -- including chocolate fondue. Enjoy in moderation!
8. Don't See the World as One Big Happy Couple
"I see happy couples!" And that's all many single people see around V-Day. But it's a trick your mind is playing on you because that's what you are focused on. Not everyone is in a relationship and, certainly, not everyone is in a happy relationship. Keep your focus on the millions of single people out there just like you!
9. Remember This Is Just ONE Valentine's Day.
Maybe you've been single for one V-day. Maybe you've been single for ten. Don't get completely discouraged and project into the future that you are going to be single for every Valentine's Day to come. No one has a crystal ball and life has a way of surprising us. Help make a good surprise more likely by keeping a positive attitude and being persistent about finding the healthy, happy relationship you want.
Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.
By Caroline Presno
So, you are not in a relationship at the moment and Valentine's Day seems to be putting a big red spotlight on your singleness. Here are some practical and empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.
1. Wallow, But Just a Little
It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit if you're feeling extra sad or lonely. The key words here are "a little bit." Don't allow yourself to dwell or obsess. Confine your wallowing to a certain time period -- say, 15 minutes of self-pity and that's it.
2. Watch "Love Actually"
The movie "Love Actually" (rated R) is great cinematherapy for V-Day because it shows that romantic love is important, but other kinds of love are just as important, such as the love of family and friends. Don't let Valentine's Day be co-opted by couples. Send valentines to all the people you love in your life!
3. Go on a Trip
A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway with friends to a place where they are not constantly bombarded with images of hearts and cupids. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as you are using it as a fun escapade, rather than an escape.
4. Re-energize Your Relationship Search
If you are feeling down at this time of year, channel your negative energy into something positive. Have you been browsing online profiles but never send an email? Have you been using work as an excuse that you are too busy to meet people? Have you been dating the wrong types of men or women for you? Use Valentine's Day as a new start to self-reflect and be proactive.
5. Ask Someone Out
If you really want a date for Valentine's Day, don't wait to be asked -- go ahead and do the asking. Even if it's someone you think of as "just a friend," you'll still have fun going out and celebrating.
6. Cuddle Up to Something Warm and Fuzzy
Warm fuzzies just make you feel good. Those V-day stuffed animals are great. So are warm cozy blankets and floppy slippers. Many would agree that the best warm fuzzies are pets. If you have a pet, get him or her a Valentine's Day treat. If you don't, maybe it's time to consider a dog or cat... now that's unconditional love!
7. Eat Some Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is good for our hearts in more ways than one. Besides containing potent antioxidants, it has the power to boost endorphins, the "happy juice" in our brains. The higher the percentage of cacao, the better. On Valentine's Day get your friends together for a chocolate tasting -- including chocolate fondue. Enjoy in moderation!
8. Don't See the World as One Big Happy Couple
"I see happy couples!" And that's all many single people see around V-Day. But it's a trick your mind is playing on you because that's what you are focused on. Not everyone is in a relationship and, certainly, not everyone is in a happy relationship. Keep your focus on the millions of single people out there just like you!
9. Remember This Is Just ONE Valentine's Day.
Maybe you've been single for one V-day. Maybe you've been single for ten. Don't get completely discouraged and project into the future that you are going to be single for every Valentine's Day to come. No one has a crystal ball and life has a way of surprising us. Help make a good surprise more likely by keeping a positive attitude and being persistent about finding the healthy, happy relationship you want.
Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C., the "Date Doctor," is a psychotherapist and author of "Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man." Find her online at ProfilingYourDate.com.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
nitreme events 1
the idea
maybe one of the reasons i decided to start nitreme events...well it was perfect match then was because i was lonely or just bored or because i had a lot of potentials but no real babe...you couldnt call flings...babes...sha i can remember the day we had the idea vividly...i said we because i have or is it had...its been a while i heard from him or them cause he has a sister too she found a way to wriggle herself in...
well to the story...we,re at the office,my former one and we had nothing to do,moreso we hadnt gotten paid for awhile...my partner had just gotten a phone then and not a lot of people call him...
me also, i dont get a lot of calls till now and i dont know why,maybe the fact that we were both shy(although some might want to disagree),didnt have friends and we didnt make a lot of calls ourselves,
so someone just said it aloud,am not sure who said it...but it was like "i wish i got a call from someone" then i had my eureka moment, why not start a business in which i would get lots of calls,we were brainstorming there and then...until i remembered an advert in a foreign magazine i had read... i buy a lot of magazines thats were i get most of my ideas from...i hurried home to get it...well my house and my former work place was in the same compound...lol...brought it back and showed him...it was the advert for a sms dating service...he's smile said it all...we had a business on our arms
maybe one of the reasons i decided to start nitreme events...well it was perfect match then was because i was lonely or just bored or because i had a lot of potentials but no real babe...you couldnt call flings...babes...sha i can remember the day we had the idea vividly...i said we because i have or is it had...its been a while i heard from him or them cause he has a sister too she found a way to wriggle herself in...
well to the story...we,re at the office,my former one and we had nothing to do,moreso we hadnt gotten paid for awhile...my partner had just gotten a phone then and not a lot of people call him...
me also, i dont get a lot of calls till now and i dont know why,maybe the fact that we were both shy(although some might want to disagree),didnt have friends and we didnt make a lot of calls ourselves,
so someone just said it aloud,am not sure who said it...but it was like "i wish i got a call from someone" then i had my eureka moment, why not start a business in which i would get lots of calls,we were brainstorming there and then...until i remembered an advert in a foreign magazine i had read... i buy a lot of magazines thats were i get most of my ideas from...i hurried home to get it...well my house and my former work place was in the same compound...lol...brought it back and showed him...it was the advert for a sms dating service...he's smile said it all...we had a business on our arms
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Cutting the Apron Strings
actually you know i thought there was something wrong with me, well till i read this article
The Italian government is worried enough about the number of grown men still living in the parental home to give them grants to leave. that would be nice, pay me to leave home...
We look at the numbers of British men yet to fly the nest and give advice on how to get your mummy's boy to finally move out.
It seems to be an increasing problem. More and more adult men are choosing to stay at home with mum and dad until well into their 20s - or even longer.
In Italy the full nest has become a political issue, with so many young people - around two thirds - staying in the parental home rather than marrying and starting their own families, that the government is to hand out grants to help them on their way. 1st where are the good babes to marry...2nd will you pay the bride price?
Here in the UK the situation is almost as bad with latest official figures showing that between the ages of 20-24 nearly 60% of young men are still living with mum and nearly a quarter (22%) are still there into their late twenties.thats some of the statistics we need from the census....not that one state has more people than the other
As Richard, 25, puts it: "Why would I want to move? My mum and dad have a nice house. I've got my own room with all my stuff. The house is comfortable and warm, I get dinner cooked and my washing done and there's always something nice to eat in the fridge or the larder. "I don't get any hassle, my girlfriend can stay over when she wants and I can come and go as I please. If I moved out I'd just be living in some poky flatshare for loads more money, so I'd rather stay put. It makes sense to me." richard, enough said...
Although in many cases it can be an economic decision, there can be a big psychological price to pay both for the young man and his parents - let alone future girlfriends who will be expected to take over the care of a cosseted, potentially helpless male and provide the sort of service that mum used to provide. Post Girl Power there can't be many takers for that kind of role. thats why my babe has to be my mum,sister,friend,lover,and bearer of my kids....
Counsellor Phillip Hodson explains: "We have a bit of a crisis in the male sex at the moment, as opposed to no crisis at all in the female. Men are being constantly out performed by women in all areas. The future really does look as though its female. "Females seem to be better self-starters, better at getting out there and getting on with life, better used to hard work and at taking initiative whereas men seem afraid to risk competition and rejection. "For some men, this means it's a lot easier to stay in the comfort of the parental home where mum still cooks, does the washing and still thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial, even if no one else does. "Obviously the financial situation is a factor too. For most young people their parental home also offers all the luxuries they have got used to and are unlikely to be able to afford when they first set up on their own. So it is tempting to stay put,"
he explains. "The old incentives to go are no longer there. In the past a man had to leave home to have an adult life and develop sexual relationships with women but modern parents are more relaxed and will allow girlfriends to stay so that need has gone also," he adds.
However, Hodson warns that keeping your son at home means he will never get the chance to grow up - and mum will never get the chance to grow and enjoy the freedom that later life can bring, without the intense demands of bringing up children, however old they are. He says: "If you are always catering to your children's needs then you are allowing them to run your life and at the same time not helping them to live theirs, become independent and form their own households. Some part of them will always fail to grow up while they still live with their parents."well i guess thats a bit true?
Finally, with Brits, male and female, clocking up the longest working hours in Europe while women still bear the brunt of the domestic chores, it's not difficult to see trouble ahead for any relationship where a mummy's boy just jumps from one nest to another. No woman will thank you for bringing up a son ill-prepared to cook, clean, iron and generally take care of himself. So do everyone a favour and help him out of that door, once and for all.
Tips to get your mummy's boy to leave
1. Remember who rules the roost "Remind him this is your house," says Hodson, a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). "It is his home only on sufferance. You pay for it, you repair and maintain it and you are responsible for it. This is not a democratic situation, this is a situation where the one who owns the deeds calls the shots."
2. Plan an 'exit strategy' Arrange an incentive, with a deadline. If necessary suggest that you may move to another area or a smaller home. Or even another country. "Ask him what he thinks he'll do when that happens," says Hodson, "Get him to start seeing a way of living his own life outside the parental home."
3. Offer support Encourage him if he needs to be helped into a career or job. Find out what he'd like to do. Even look at the possibility of him moving away to somewhere where property is more affordable.
4. Don't give in to pleading or emotional blackmail "You will no doubt encounter protests and your son may be very angry. But stick to your guns and remember it is a difficult situation but not an impossible one," says Hodson. "If he says hurtful things, like 'you don't care about me' or 'I hate you' remember what it was like when he was a teenager. He probably said he hated you then, many times. He didn't, he just hated the situation. This is similar.
5. Be resolute - stick to a deadline "When he starts protesting, 'But, but, but...' - and he probably will - stand firm. Tell him, 'I can see you feel angry, but this is the decision'," says Hodson. Be strong in the knowledge you are doing the right thing, for both of you.
at the end of the day we're all going to leave our folks place, atleast so they can enjoy wats left of their honey moon but for now....?
:: For more details of Phillip Hodson's work see www.philliphodson.co.uk
The Italian government is worried enough about the number of grown men still living in the parental home to give them grants to leave. that would be nice, pay me to leave home...
We look at the numbers of British men yet to fly the nest and give advice on how to get your mummy's boy to finally move out.
It seems to be an increasing problem. More and more adult men are choosing to stay at home with mum and dad until well into their 20s - or even longer.
In Italy the full nest has become a political issue, with so many young people - around two thirds - staying in the parental home rather than marrying and starting their own families, that the government is to hand out grants to help them on their way. 1st where are the good babes to marry...2nd will you pay the bride price?
Here in the UK the situation is almost as bad with latest official figures showing that between the ages of 20-24 nearly 60% of young men are still living with mum and nearly a quarter (22%) are still there into their late twenties.thats some of the statistics we need from the census....not that one state has more people than the other
As Richard, 25, puts it: "Why would I want to move? My mum and dad have a nice house. I've got my own room with all my stuff. The house is comfortable and warm, I get dinner cooked and my washing done and there's always something nice to eat in the fridge or the larder. "I don't get any hassle, my girlfriend can stay over when she wants and I can come and go as I please. If I moved out I'd just be living in some poky flatshare for loads more money, so I'd rather stay put. It makes sense to me." richard, enough said...
Although in many cases it can be an economic decision, there can be a big psychological price to pay both for the young man and his parents - let alone future girlfriends who will be expected to take over the care of a cosseted, potentially helpless male and provide the sort of service that mum used to provide. Post Girl Power there can't be many takers for that kind of role. thats why my babe has to be my mum,sister,friend,lover,and bearer of my kids....
Counsellor Phillip Hodson explains: "We have a bit of a crisis in the male sex at the moment, as opposed to no crisis at all in the female. Men are being constantly out performed by women in all areas. The future really does look as though its female. "Females seem to be better self-starters, better at getting out there and getting on with life, better used to hard work and at taking initiative whereas men seem afraid to risk competition and rejection. "For some men, this means it's a lot easier to stay in the comfort of the parental home where mum still cooks, does the washing and still thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial, even if no one else does. "Obviously the financial situation is a factor too. For most young people their parental home also offers all the luxuries they have got used to and are unlikely to be able to afford when they first set up on their own. So it is tempting to stay put,"
he explains. "The old incentives to go are no longer there. In the past a man had to leave home to have an adult life and develop sexual relationships with women but modern parents are more relaxed and will allow girlfriends to stay so that need has gone also," he adds.
However, Hodson warns that keeping your son at home means he will never get the chance to grow up - and mum will never get the chance to grow and enjoy the freedom that later life can bring, without the intense demands of bringing up children, however old they are. He says: "If you are always catering to your children's needs then you are allowing them to run your life and at the same time not helping them to live theirs, become independent and form their own households. Some part of them will always fail to grow up while they still live with their parents."well i guess thats a bit true?
Finally, with Brits, male and female, clocking up the longest working hours in Europe while women still bear the brunt of the domestic chores, it's not difficult to see trouble ahead for any relationship where a mummy's boy just jumps from one nest to another. No woman will thank you for bringing up a son ill-prepared to cook, clean, iron and generally take care of himself. So do everyone a favour and help him out of that door, once and for all.
Tips to get your mummy's boy to leave
1. Remember who rules the roost "Remind him this is your house," says Hodson, a Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). "It is his home only on sufferance. You pay for it, you repair and maintain it and you are responsible for it. This is not a democratic situation, this is a situation where the one who owns the deeds calls the shots."
2. Plan an 'exit strategy' Arrange an incentive, with a deadline. If necessary suggest that you may move to another area or a smaller home. Or even another country. "Ask him what he thinks he'll do when that happens," says Hodson, "Get him to start seeing a way of living his own life outside the parental home."
3. Offer support Encourage him if he needs to be helped into a career or job. Find out what he'd like to do. Even look at the possibility of him moving away to somewhere where property is more affordable.
4. Don't give in to pleading or emotional blackmail "You will no doubt encounter protests and your son may be very angry. But stick to your guns and remember it is a difficult situation but not an impossible one," says Hodson. "If he says hurtful things, like 'you don't care about me' or 'I hate you' remember what it was like when he was a teenager. He probably said he hated you then, many times. He didn't, he just hated the situation. This is similar.
5. Be resolute - stick to a deadline "When he starts protesting, 'But, but, but...' - and he probably will - stand firm. Tell him, 'I can see you feel angry, but this is the decision'," says Hodson. Be strong in the knowledge you are doing the right thing, for both of you.
at the end of the day we're all going to leave our folks place, atleast so they can enjoy wats left of their honey moon but for now....?
:: For more details of Phillip Hodson's work see www.philliphodson.co.uk
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
tuesday 05/02/2008
saw oprah this morning, couldnt finish though, that means i was going to be really late...yeah i started watching oprah again,yeah after that show in which she practical called all nigerians fraudsters...sha this one was about wife beaters... guys who turn their wives into punching bags...its actually a serious malaise and am sure somebody knows a woma thats being battered,most times we usually are onlookers,silently praying that it wouldnt happen to us,
how do u know this guys...actually u cant...the little signs...he adores u so much...really really cares for u...u could almost say he,s very jelous especially when you,re with someone else even...ladies..
he,s very shy or introveted...means he probably has gone thruogh one kind of abuse or the other...
if he hits u once, no matter the kind of love u have for him,leave him...cause he probably wont ever stop...
men like this usually have small penises and low self esteem so, they wld want to lord over lesser mortals,in this case, the ladies in their lives
its funny cause i,ve actually spoken to ladies who actually appreciate this beatings cause they say it keeps them in line...they love a man thats domineering,you know what?its when he starts to beat you in front of your kids that it wld actually make sense to you...
anymore details u wld like to share with us would be appreciated
trying to make some important phone calls...
alhaja,s behaving real funny...sha...its not her really, i think its me...i want to believe that its going to work out eventually as happily ever after..want to remove the God factor...which i usually want to do when i want decisions to suit me...knowing that,but not acknowledging that she might eventually not be mine...anyways in time she,ll tell me what the problem is?
why do i care too much self? cause at the end of the day...well God forbid...sha i told her its her problem,
bought the tv for mum, finally i can watch all my favourite programmes in peace...
started filling a few online applications yesterday, hopefully i,ll continue today...its as if am betraying the confidence in myself...me saying i,d want to concentrate on my biz and now,i've started filling applications...then i,ve got to go submit cv on the island on friday
how do u know this guys...actually u cant...the little signs...he adores u so much...really really cares for u...u could almost say he,s very jelous especially when you,re with someone else even...ladies..
he,s very shy or introveted...means he probably has gone thruogh one kind of abuse or the other...
if he hits u once, no matter the kind of love u have for him,leave him...cause he probably wont ever stop...
men like this usually have small penises and low self esteem so, they wld want to lord over lesser mortals,in this case, the ladies in their lives
its funny cause i,ve actually spoken to ladies who actually appreciate this beatings cause they say it keeps them in line...they love a man thats domineering,you know what?its when he starts to beat you in front of your kids that it wld actually make sense to you...
anymore details u wld like to share with us would be appreciated
trying to make some important phone calls...
alhaja,s behaving real funny...sha...its not her really, i think its me...i want to believe that its going to work out eventually as happily ever after..want to remove the God factor...which i usually want to do when i want decisions to suit me...knowing that,but not acknowledging that she might eventually not be mine...anyways in time she,ll tell me what the problem is?
why do i care too much self? cause at the end of the day...well God forbid...sha i told her its her problem,
bought the tv for mum, finally i can watch all my favourite programmes in peace...
started filling a few online applications yesterday, hopefully i,ll continue today...its as if am betraying the confidence in myself...me saying i,d want to concentrate on my biz and now,i've started filling applications...then i,ve got to go submit cv on the island on friday
Monday, February 4, 2008
"Have Her Begging For It Despite A Boyfriend Or Husband!!!"
Here's the million dollar question every guy wants to know the answer to at one time or another...
"How Do I Attract A Girl Who's Already In A Relationship?"
Face it: If a girl is worth her salt, chances are she's already "seeing" someone.
This means you got some hard competition, buddy.
Have you ever had a situation where you met the girl of your dreams, and she was already taken by some other guy?
Well, here's the good news...
It IS possible to get the woman you want, even if she is currently seeing someone else.
Here's the thing:
If a woman is truly happy in her current relationship, there is NOTHING you can do that will make her cheat on the man she is with.
Period.
What does this mean?
Simple... it means that if a girl cheats on her boyfriend with you, then chances are she wasn't happy with that relationship anyway.
So now that you're off the hook morally, how do you go about "wooing" her away from her man?
Well, there are a few things you need to focus on if you want to get the other guy's girl...
The first is your INNER GAME.
This has to do with bolstering your confidence and belief system so that you become WAY more appealing than the man she's currently with.
The second is CONNECTION.
You have to form deep emotional bonds with a woman that will short-circuit her logic centers and guilt about cheating on her man - to the point where she just CAN'T HELP HERSELF!
"How Do I Attract A Girl Who's Already In A Relationship?"
Face it: If a girl is worth her salt, chances are she's already "seeing" someone.
This means you got some hard competition, buddy.
Have you ever had a situation where you met the girl of your dreams, and she was already taken by some other guy?
Well, here's the good news...
It IS possible to get the woman you want, even if she is currently seeing someone else.
Here's the thing:
If a woman is truly happy in her current relationship, there is NOTHING you can do that will make her cheat on the man she is with.
Period.
What does this mean?
Simple... it means that if a girl cheats on her boyfriend with you, then chances are she wasn't happy with that relationship anyway.
So now that you're off the hook morally, how do you go about "wooing" her away from her man?
Well, there are a few things you need to focus on if you want to get the other guy's girl...
The first is your INNER GAME.
This has to do with bolstering your confidence and belief system so that you become WAY more appealing than the man she's currently with.
The second is CONNECTION.
You have to form deep emotional bonds with a woman that will short-circuit her logic centers and guilt about cheating on her man - to the point where she just CAN'T HELP HERSELF!
Friday, February 1, 2008
more more about me
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: actually God,s still keeping me alive
BIRTHDAY: October 21
CONFUSED ABOUT: Women.
DRINK YOU LAST HAD: water
EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My mum
FAVORITE MUSIC/GROUP/BAND:Jay z
GOOD OR NAUGHTY: i have a good spirit but always thinking of naughty things.
HOMETOWN: Ijebu ode
INSTRUMENT: It,s under my trousers
JOB POSITION: Data processing officer
KILLED SOMEONE: Hell no
LONGEST CAR RIDE: Lagos to benin
MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: dont know
NUMBER OF PETS: none
ONE WISH: to be a success
PERSON WHO YOU LAST TALKED TO: my colleague at work
QUIET OR LOUD: quiet
REASONS TO SMILE: God, my family ,my aspirations
SINGLE: for now
TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7.10am
UNDERWEAR: dont wear them
VIOLENT: no
WORST HABIT: dont put the seat down
X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Chest
YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: a lion
ZODIAC SIGN: libra
BIRTHDAY: October 21
CONFUSED ABOUT: Women.
DRINK YOU LAST HAD: water
EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: My mum
FAVORITE MUSIC/GROUP/BAND:Jay z
GOOD OR NAUGHTY: i have a good spirit but always thinking of naughty things.
HOMETOWN: Ijebu ode
INSTRUMENT: It,s under my trousers
JOB POSITION: Data processing officer
KILLED SOMEONE: Hell no
LONGEST CAR RIDE: Lagos to benin
MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: dont know
NUMBER OF PETS: none
ONE WISH: to be a success
PERSON WHO YOU LAST TALKED TO: my colleague at work
QUIET OR LOUD: quiet
REASONS TO SMILE: God, my family ,my aspirations
SINGLE: for now
TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7.10am
UNDERWEAR: dont wear them
VIOLENT: no
WORST HABIT: dont put the seat down
X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Chest
YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: a lion
ZODIAC SIGN: libra
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