Thursday, January 31, 2008

backup boyfriend

i thought u guys wld like this....i got it from a ladies blog...am sure it wld apply to u one way or the other

The Back-up Boyfriend

Chapter 1
A dear, dear friend intimated to me that she was having marital difficulties. Feeling somewhat put-upon, but putting down my gin and tonic just the same to convey interest, I cooed, “Darling, but that’s horrible. Tell me all about it.”
“Oh, I don’t know…it’s the little things, really. He didn’t notice how glowing I was after my last facial. He didn’t compliment me on the menu that Elena served at our last dinner party, and, well, in the bedroom, he…he…well, lets just say he hasn’t been to the wine cellar in quite some time. My dear, I can’t recall the last time he brought me a trinket from Tiffany’s. It used to be trips to the wine cellar and diamond baubles day in and day out—how I long for those days. Perhaps he’s losing interest,” she said sadly.
“Perhaps he is unaware of your distress, my dear,” I said briskly. “Botox does muddy the ‘guess how I’m feeling today,’ waters, hmmm?”
“I suppose,” she mused, settling her face into what I suspect was a look of concentration. “I know,” she said excitedly, her eyes sparkling just a tiny bit under her unmoving brows, “I’ll take a lover!”
“What a very sensible idea,” I said. “Who shall it be? Which of the back-ups will you move into rotation? Oh, do tell.”
“Back-ups?” she said. “Whatever are you talking about? Why, I don’t know what you mean.”
That’s when I let her in on my little secret—the secret of my lucrative yet distant marriage to Mr. _________.
“Listen and learn, darling. A smart woman always has a back-up boyfriend, possibly more than one. Back-up boyfriends, or BUBs, as I refer to them are different than real boyfriends, and in many ways, superior. The BUB is what the name implies—an extra, should something run amuck in the primary relationship. They are a safety net when things are tumultuous with the primary object of affection. The BUB is there, in theory, to embrace when and if you are suddenly without a man. He enables you to transcend that tiresome period of loneliness and uncertainty. There is comfort in his designation as BU. When embroiled in a vicious argument with the primary, you can remember that you have options; in fact, several, and therefore needn’t grovel or capitulate in any way to unreasonable demands.”
“That sounds fabulous, but a bit complicated. Tell me more.” She leaned in to listen intently.
“The BU relationship is easy on the psyche,” I continued. “There is no real emotional investment—it is merely diversion. One needn’t worry about maintaining his interest; there’s always another one to be had.” Here she cut in, her fluttering hands conveying the excitement her face could not.
“Tell me, how do I get one? I must know!”
“Patience, my dear, I will tell all. It’s remarkable, really, how little it takes to recruit a back-up. The touch to arm or shoulder, the lean-in-and-laugh, the cutting of the eyes during a compliment, indeed, the mere presentation of warmth and openness immediately bring most men into the green room—so to speak. Once they are welcomed onto the stage, leaning across the desk to breathlessly answer a personal question, they accept the role readily, eager for the party afterwards at the chic supper club.”
“That’s all there is to it? Why has no one told me this before? It sounds so simple—but then, men are simple creatures, really. What sort of man do you look for?” she asked.
“I have only a few requirements for the BUB. He must be completely enchanted and taken by surprise by my warmth. He will likely be confused and uncertain—“Are we friends, or does she want…more?” The uncertain man is so charming, so devoted. Within his mind, he is in a constant state of turmoil and excitement. Waiting for confirmation of his suspicions, he makes himself available for late night phone conversation, dinners and lunches, anytime I am need of affirmation or a confidante. Solicitous of my needs at all times, his behavior is a return to chivalry, so often lacking in modern relationships. The graciously held door, the offered jacket, the bouquet of flowers hidden bashfully behind the back—these are the gifts of the BUB.”
“That sounds like heaven,” she said, sighing. “But where to find a proper man? Must he be unattached?”
“Frankly, I prefer my BUBs to be married to another. There is less opportunity for heartache, in my opinion. A gentle reminder wifey often brings to heel an overzealous BUB. The relationship is structured, even orchestrated. It is a civilized association, and as such, follows rules which must be strictly maintained. These rules may be unspoken, but I prefer to list them, in the clear and sober light of day. The BUB association has its bounds, and the BU must remain within these bounds to remain within my favor.”
“Darling, you are absolutely brilliant! I shall go about looking for a back-up immediately. And who knows, maybe one day, he and I…” she tightened her lips in the merest imitation of a satisfied smile.
“Oh no, Darling, you misunderstand me. Though the role seems to suggest that in time, and under the proper circumstances, the BU may become the primary, nothing is farther from the truth. The BU is like your second string jewelry, your second favorite shade of eye makeup—you would wear it in a pinch, but it would never be your first choice.” I took a deep draught from the g&t in my hand, giving her a wink.
She left the table after a prolonged and significant look, which I took to mean that my advice had, in a small but substantial way, altered her life for the good. I felt a warm glow of altruism but, remembering the Botox, decided it was just the gin.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

best bond girls

With Gemma Arterton and Olga Kurylenko now set to star in the next 007 flick, we tally the bombshells — and bombs — of Bond girls past,















10. MELINA HAVELOCK (Carole Bouquet)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)

As the quintessential Bond girl-with-a-vengeance, she never smiles or says much as she gets even for the murder of her parents with a little crossbow and a helluva lot of determination. Still, with legs like those (among the most iconic images in all of 007-dom), who needs a personality?





9. TIFFANY CASE (Jill St. John)
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

She was devious and devilish, but that only made Bond — and, well, men everywhere — want her more. (Her terrifically corny-comely moniker didn't hurt, either.) But beyond all that, seeing this voluptuous lady running around a burning oil rig in a technicolor bikini was all it took to make Sean Connery's dreariest outing as 007 eminently watchable.




8. ROSA KLEBB (Lotte Lenya)
From Russia With Love (1963)

Unsexy, you say? Not a real Bond girl? We beg to differ. Dr. Freud would have had a field day with this Russian agent's manic obsession with, er, sticking her knife (fabulously concealed in a tight leather shoe) into our hero. The first dominatrix Bond girl (and, amazingly, not the last), she never doffed her duds, but she was as memorable as they get.











7. WAI LIN (Michelle Yeoh)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

She wasn't the first woman of color to match wits with 007 (although, woefully, there haven't been many). But in 1997 she became the first one you could take seriously. Hong Kong action veteran Yeoh's skilled and savvy Chinese agent was the first babe that could be called superhot on a truly global scale





6. XENIA ONATOPP (Famke Janssen) GoldenEye (1995)

Those eyes! Those thighs! And with a name like that, guys knew they were going to get what they'd secretly longed for: a woman who really does use sex as a weapon — and can't get enough of it. Onatopp (stop snickering!) is said to be the first Bond girl seen having an orgasm, and she returned 007's leading ladies to smooth sailing after years in the doldrums.



5. ANYA AMASOVA (Barbara Bach)
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Bach may have been an American girl, but in the mid-1970s no more exotic a woman appeared on screen than her KGB spook (codename, ahem, Agent XXX). Equally at home fighting in the Sahara as rolling in the sheets, she was the Bond-girl response to women's liberation, in every respect 007's first modern equal.





4. VESPER LYND (Eva Green)
Casino Royale (2006)

In 2006's re-energizing of the series, she fit the bill perfectly, embodying all the traits that characterize 007's most memorable minxes — the smarts of Pussy Galore, the drive of Melina Havelock, the sobriety of Anya Amasova, and the, ahem, jewels of Tiffany Case. An instant classic.












3. TRACY DI VICENZO (Diana Rigg)
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

As it happened, Rigg replaced fellow Bond girl Honor Blackman on TV's The Avengers, where her Emma Peel became renowned as the toughest of dames. Opposite one-time 007 George Lazenby, however, she gave the series' most heartfelt and least comic performance as a lovelorn Mafia heiress, the only woman you could imagine the superspy settling down with.



2. PUSSY GALORE (Honor Blackman)
Goldfinger (1964)

Really, her name alone would have been enough to rank her among Bond's best loves. But Brit Blackman rounded off Pussy's cardboard edges, introducing fans to the series' first real woman — a gorgeous dame who can fly a plane and kick butt (check out her rumble in the hay with 007) as well as coo and woo.





1. HONEY RYDER (Ursula Andress)
Dr. No (1962)

The first truly was the best. The Swiss native's voice may have been completely dubbed over in postproduction, but, well, the goods were all hers. Her sultry walk out of the waves set the tone for every sexy-strong Bond girl who followed and led a generation of men to dream about lying down ''underneath the mango tree.''





Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Subject: The Essence Of Being Cool

There once was a man named Adam. He was a nice enough fellow - he didn't really know any better - and he had a woman, food, plenty of sex and nudity, more pets than a zoo, and lived an idyllic life.

Only one thing - he couldn't eat one particular fruit. Other than that, he could do whatever he wanted. So what'd he do?

Obviously, he ate the fruit. Thus begat a looooooong tradition in all humanity; we want what we can't have.

Psychologists have a name for this, given us by that early Adam. It's the forbidden fruit complex, and almost everyone has it to one degree or another. Women have a name for this too. It's called playing hard-to-get.

Now, some significant time later, there was another Adam. The poor guy didn't really know what he was doing with women, and he rarely had successful dates. Finally, through blind luck, he found himself in a relationship. Overnight the world changed - ladies smiled at him, some chatted him up - in general, he became this much more attractive man.

He became the forbidden fruit.

Only it's much more complex than that. Most of the women didn't know he was dating someone else. Part of it perhaps was he was happy and confident, but he'd been happy and confident alone before, without this change coming. What was going on?

The forbidden fruit is the obvious and easy little trick we can watch humanity fall for. But there is an opposite corollary; we don't want what we can have.

Theories for this abound. Some people think it's because our unconscious mind is triggered to think ourselves BETTER than those who are desperate to be with us. Some people just find it boring - where's the thrill? The chase? The get-to-know-you game?

Maybe it smacks of self-consciousness and a lack of confidence - why do you NEED me so much? What's wrong with you?

Maybe it's the insult of skin-deep lust. Hey, some women enjoy one-nighters as much as the next guy, but outside of the porn industry, few women want to be viewed as just a body. And if you want it SO BAD in such a short amount of time, well, you don't truly know her so we know what you REALLY want.

Maybe it makes no logical sense at all, and it's useless to analyze.

What we CAN do, though, is recognize it for the pattern it is, and learn from it. Just as you were turned off by that nerdy girl in high school who had the crush on you, attractive women are turned off by drooling dorks.

But now we've got a problem. If women don't like men who obviously like them, and we only want to be with women we like, who don't like us 'cause we like like them... this quickly turns into a Wonder Years nightmare scenario of hopelessness.

This paradox is probably the cause of something like 95% of the world's loneliness. It's a pity our emotional brain - the part of the mind that is responsible for attraction - is such a mess. But that's the way it is.

I guess we should all get used to it and prepare for a life of marriage to someone we settle for, not someone we want. Right?

Understand this is the way it USUALLY happens. It's not the way it HAS TO happen.

We've said before that attractive women assume as a matter of course that all men want them. It might not always be true - maybe not every bum sitting outside the library with an upside down hat in front of them wants your quarter - but it's true enough that it's a useful rule in her daily life.

She knows how to deal with men when she knows what they want.

So what do you need to do?

NOTHING.

You don't need to tell her how much you want her. And - more importantly, since most people don't open with "I want you" - you cannot SHOW her.

Really, this is the definition of cool.

You may think you're playing it cool and not telegraphing your intentions, but guess what - if the intentions are there, you probably are.

There are literally THOUSANDS of physical clues that set off a woman's radar. You lean in too far or approach too close, you fidget with buttons, you laugh about things that aren't funny, you awkwardly get in position for a hand-hold.

And about 2000 more.

If you were a yogini you might be able to approach a woman with her attractiveness front and center in your brain and control all the little tics that give you away as a bundle of nervous sexual energy.

Of course, if you were a yogini, you probably wouldn't be interested in this, but that's another story.

No, there is a much easier way to deal with this, to eliminate all the signs that say "I want you."

The simple answer is RELAX.

The longer answer is DON'T TRY. Pretend she's your sister. Pretend she's an episode in Grand Theft Auto. Pretend she's a practice conversation for some imaginary future.

Whatever you do, DON'T think about going back to your place with her. Really, you don't need to pretend - you can simply MAKE the conversation practice.

With every woman.

From now to forever.

You just CAN'T show a girl your cards early on. It's death to attraction. It transmits all the wrong things. Sure, you might get away with it now and again, but not usually, and NEVER with extremely attractive women in high demand.

And until you realize that, you should treat all women as practice with that bit of knowledge.

Because it's never going anywhere otherwise.

Once you DO realize it, you'll see that you just need to do what you've been doing, treating a lady as a practice conversation with NO aim.

Like a cat, if you try and pet her, you'll never catch up to her. But act chill around cats - even ignore them - and you'll have them crawling all over you.

This is the way of life. It is one of the most important concepts you'll ever learn when it comes to attraction and dating. Act with ulterior motives and she'll know, guaranteed, and you've lost all hope with her.

Act with no expectations and it's a fair bet she'll see a bit of the forbidden fruit in you.

THIS is what people mean when they say to just be yourself. If you can simply enjoy being YOU and living YOUR life around women without chasing them, it works. It says you are an interesting confident guy who might ENJOY being with a particular woman, but you don't NEED that woman.

Unlike modifying your behavior around her, which smacks of insecurity and weakness.

So do what you need to do to ELIMINATE every yearning in your interactions with attractive women?

Convince yourself you're too busy for her anyway. Or - better yet - too good for her. Or only talk to women within areas that have easy access to cold showers.

Whatever you need to do to get yourself in the right frame of mind, do it.

Remember, she's just practice. In fact, if you TELL her that when you first start chatting - something like "I'm practicing talking with attractive women so I can become more comfortable around them." - it actually can work very well.

Go out and PRACTICE practicing. This is a simple concept, really, but hard to put into, ahem, practice. You'll probably hold your head well for a bit before a situation turns promising and you think you're in, and the magic ends. You lose it - just for a second - and you may never recover.
Of course, just standing around not wanting women isn't enough. You need to know how to go up to them, talk to them, trigger attraction in them, and eventually seal the deal. I spent years figuring the necessary steps and body language out, and I've put it all into my newest course, Seduction Science's Get The Girlfriend, http://www.seductionscience.com/getthegirlfriend

Until next time.


Your Friend,

Derekhttp://www.seductionscience.com/getthegirlfriend

derek,s good aint he....

Monday, January 28, 2008

30 Things to do before you're 30 (MSN Lifestyle)

I saw this on a website and thought I'd share it.

I used to have a list of things I wanted to do before I was 30 but I've lost it somehow. At some point in the future, I'll try and compile another list of things I want to do before I'm 30.

Any suggestions? What do you want to do before you hit a certain age? I'd be very interested to know!

1. Go Travelling
maybe not outside nigeria o...but i,ve reached some places i,ve always wanted to go to...i should have gone with the dept to ghana....1/2

2. Get Something Published
still got a book i,ll finish one day, but for now does this blog count?....1/2

3. Watch the following films: Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, The Star Wars Trilogy (don't bother with the new ones), Godfather parts I and II, Psycho, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Trainspotting, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Top Gun, American Pie, Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Blade Runner, Kill Bill 1 & 2, City of God, The Deer Hunter, Se7en, Fight Club, Back to the Future, Alien and Aliens, Jaws, This Is Spinal Tap, Die Hard, Life of Brian, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, Life is Beautiful, The Breakfast Club, Grosse Pointe Blank, Stand By Me, Chinatown, The Great Escape, The Outsiders
have see all those highlighted...16/34 hopefully i,ve still got time to watch the rest....0

4. Live in London
wouldnt want to....maybe just on vacation sha...0

5. Learn a 2nd Language
was learning french and spanish...just stopped...0

6. Run a marathon
maybe...but for now all those early saturday jogs are enough...0

7. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway
dont know where that is...but for now, i cant drive on the highway, i can just even only move a car front and back....am not motivated enough to learn how to drive because on my very 1st drive lesson,i chrashed the car...almost died...serious...0

8. Have Sex
lol....by now? wouldnt you think am gay...lol...1

9. Go to a music Festival
thinking of going to the next muson festival...does lagbaja,s show count?...1/2

10. Try different foods
i do that alot......1

11. Get on the property ladder
contributing my own quota to build mumsie,s house...0

12. Test yourself: Skydiving, abseiling, bungee jumping - never in a million years, you might think, but there are few better things for you than stepping out of your comfort zone and standing up to your fears. So whatever it is you think you can't do, we promise you'll feel proud of yourself after you've done it…
BGG...by God,s grace...i,ll be doing all these soon....i hope i dont shit in my pants sha....i just got to look for a place where i can do all 3 in nigeria...0

13. Visit Paris
hopefully...cuz i just love the city...0


14. Blow £500 in one night
em...thats about =N=125,000 naira....about half of my yearly salary...in one night? well God fit do am....the closest to that was me...wanting to pop champagne on new years day...as in waste it o...like those soccer teams when they win something......0

15. Get a savings account.... and use it
i have one and i do use it......1

16. Do something for charity
am not sure if giving away my old stuff counts o....but if its all those charity walks...never done it...1/2

17. Get yourself on telly
yeah...i,ve been on who wants to be a millionaire, but not to play o....just part of gbogbo ero...was behind frank in my proudly nigerian t shirt....1

18. Eat at a Michelin starred restaurant
maybe later....0

19. Quit your job
lol...hahahahahaha.....thanks o...but for now i,ll pass...0

20. Go to a live sporting event
em....none for now...but hopefully soon i,ll go and watch my chelsea play on saturday and come back to nigeria on sunday......0

21. Have a weekend in New York
not now...but soon enough...i heard they hustle a lot just like in lagos...think i,d make it easy there sha...0

22. Read these books: The Catcher in the Rye, 1984, Romeo and Juliet, the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, To Kill a Mockingbird, Brave New World, On the Road, Catch 22, Trainspotting, The Wasp Factory, Lord of the Flies, Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Of Mice and Men, Great Expectations, Tess of the D’Urbevilles, Treasure Island, The Beach, Cloud Atlas, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ulysses, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time, Life of Pi, The Shining, The Handmaid’s Tale, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Shining, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, A Suitable Boy
those of that have read...highlighted 8/34 why didnt they add all chinua achebe,s ,cyprian ekwensi,pace setters books...okay have u read half of a yellow sun?...0

23. Own a convertible
no...0

24. Buy something really expensive: When was the last time you really treated yourself? So long as you can absorb the damage, go crazy and spend at least one month's wages on something you really, really want
the day will come sha....hold up my 1st suit was quite expensive when i bought it...1/2

25. Buy wine worth more than £5026
sorry i dont drink...been tempted a few times...but if u knew what beer did to me? you,d never drink again....0

26.Sign up to facebook
already on it......1

27. Record your family history
was thinking of doing...but am sure some people get paid to do it......0

28. Sing Karaoke
wouldnt dare...i dont have a good voice...sounds like a girl...the only time i enjoyed this was when i tried to sing for the final year choir....am sure i said it somewhere that i was once a christain...0

29. Have a complete health check
the last one was in 2005, when i got this job....the health check was compulsory.......1

30. Climb a mountain
thats one of my long term goals...chappal wadi, kilimanjaro all the way to everest...but i,ve climbed idanre, erin ijesa....1/2

I've done 9 of the 30 things on this list, shey i know try? hopefuly i,ll do everything on the list...BGG

Friday, January 25, 2008

MOBILE TELEPHONY

(in case you,re wondering why am into mobile dating? just read this...then calculate ehm lets say 10 naira by if just 1% of the population uses the service)

Businessweek reports on the catalytic effects of mobile telephony:
Mobile phones are changing developing markets faster than anyone imagined. Today there are some 3 billion mobile subscriptions worldwide, and that will grow to 5 billion by 2015, when two-thirds of the people on earth will have phones, predicts Finnish handset maker Nokia Corp. (NOK). Nowhere is the effect more dramatic than in Africa, where mobile technology often represents the first modern infrastructure of any kind. The 134 million citizens of Nigeria, Africa's most populous country, had just 500,000 telephone lines in 2001 when the government began encouraging competition in telecommunications. Now Nigeria has more than 30 million cellular subscribers.